Some Kind of Monkey

2010: The Year in Books

2010-12-31T13:16:00.000-05:00

Well, it's been a long time since I've blogged, but I didn't want this blog to die off completely without a few more posts. After these next few posts I don't know whether I'll start a new blog, resurrect this one, or just shut down completely. At any rate, good news: I finally made my goal of reading 52 books in a year. In fact, I exceeded the goal by five books and, goofy picture aside, my head did not even explode. This year there were seven books I'd read at least once before (marked by an asterisk below), two comic compendiums included in the list, and a whole lot of stuff I'd never expected to like but did. I think I'll do a top and bottom five post later this weekend where I talk about the books I enjoyed the most and hated the most, but first the complete list in order:

A Storm of Swords (GRR Martin)
Run (Ann Patchett)
Invention of Morel (Adolfo Bioy Casares)
Johannes Cabal, The Necromancer (Jonathan L. Howard)
The Terror (Dan Simmons)
The Anarchist (John Smolens)
Treasure Island (Rober Louis Stephenson)
The Hunger Games (Suzanne Collins)
Fool (Christopher Moore)
The Girl Who Played With Fire (Steig Larsson)
Never Let Me Go(Kazuo Ishiguro)
Things Fall Apart (Chinua Achebe)*
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime (Mark Haddon)*
Captain America Omnibus Vol 1 (Ed Brubaker)
The Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie (Alan Bradley)
Death of Captain America Omnibus (Ed Brubaker)
Imperium (Robert Harris)
Let the Great World Spin (Colum McCann)
The Hound of the Baskervilles (Arthur Conan Doyle)
Carrion Comfort (Dan Simmons)
Look Me in the Eye (John Elder Robison)
Reading the OED: One Man, One Year, 21,730 Pages (Ammon Shea)
Catching Fire (Suzanne Collins)
Silver (Edward Chupack)
Soon I Will Be Invincible (Austin Grossman)
The Lost City of Z (David Grann)
Sarah's Key (Tatiana De Rosay)
The Invention of Hugo Cabret (Brian Selznick)
The Lonely Polygamist (Brady Udall)
Pictures at a Revolution (Mark Harris)
Lord of the Flies (William Golding)*
Teaching Adolescent Writers (Kelly Gallagher)
How to Read Literature Like a Professor (Thomas C. Foster)
Lives of the Monster Dogs (Kristen Bakis)
Outliers (Malcom Gladwell)
The Passage (Justin Cronin)
Reservation Blues (Sherman Alexie)
The Magicians (Lev Grossman)
Mockingjay (Suzanne Collins)
The House of Mirth (Edith Wharton)
Grendel (John Gardner)*
The Killer Angels (Michael Shaara)
The Strain (Guillermo del Toro and Chuck Hogan)
Wise Children (Angela Carter)
Little Brother (Cory Doctorow)
The Haunting of Hill House (Shirley Jackson)*
My Lobotomy (Howard Dully)
Hell House (Richard Matheson)
Into the Wild (John Krakauer)
A Reliable Wife (Robert Goolrick)
The Mystic Arts of Erasing All Signs of Death (Charlie Huston)
Syrup (Maxx Barry)
In the Shadow of Gotham (Stefanie Pintoff)
Johannes Cabal, The Detective (Jonathan L. Howard)
On Beauty (Zadie Smith)
A Thousand Splendid Suns (Khaled Hosseini)*
East of Eden (John Steinbeck)*

Overall I'm pretty pleased with the year's reading. While I was a little heavy on the supernatural/murder mystery/ quirky stuff I really enjoy, I think there's a pretty good mix of fun books, work-related books, classics, and recommendations from friends. And there are only one or two books I felt like were a complete waste of time. Not bad overall.

As for next year, while part of me wants to up the ante and go for 100 books, a much larger part of me wants to not count the number of books at all. At times during the year I passed up large books I wanted to read simply because I didn't want to get sidetracked on my goal. So for 2011 my goal is simply going to be to read one classic piece of literature a month. Beyond that, anything I read will simply be for fun. I'll keep track of the books again, but this time not in order to hit a certain number.

Sugar and Spice and Reading is Nice

2010-08-12T23:42:00.001-04:00

As evidenced by the terrible little title above, this post will not be fully thought out or crafted, just a few thoughts that were running through my mind. You have been warned.

As an English teacher, I want teenagers to read. (As an aspiring writer, I want everyone to read, but that's another post.) I see part of my job as introducing my students to the cultural conversation through studying "great" and "important" works, and one of the pleasures of teaching at a private school is that I get to decide what "great" and "important" means, since we can't read everything, even though that would be nice. Because I feel like I can teach it better if I'm excited about it, I typically choose books that resonate with me, so we get a lot more Frankenstein and One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, stuff that gets me thinking, and a lot less The Awakening and The Bell Jar. Now, that might mean I identify more with crazy and monstrous protagonists, or it might mean that I respond more to male protagonists, and both possibilities come with their own set of problems. Also, before you get up in arms, I do try and represent both feminist points of view and female narrators (A Doll's House, The Haunting of Hill House, and Their Eyes Were Watching God all come to mind as engaging pointedly with gender roles and all of which have interesting female protagonists), but I think part of the issue is one English professors have been complaining about for the last thirty years: a big part of the accepted literary canon is focused on male authors and their troubled male protagonists.

Except, after reading this New York Times essay earlier today, I realized there is one area--growing in popularity--where that's not the case: Young Adult Literature. Like the author of that piece, this summer I loved reading the first two books in the Hunger Games series (by Suzanne Collins) with their poorly-named-but-still-engaging-heroine Katniss Everdeen. (Seriously. That name. Gag.) And the more I thought about it, the more I realized that young women don't just exist in great numbers in YA literature, they thrive. Of course a plethora of silly vampire-tinged multi-book series have sprung up in the wake of Twilight (go to your local bookstore and I bet you'll see at least one display of novels with titles like Vampire Boarding School or Ghost Boyfriend or whatever), and there have long been high school dramas aimed at girls (did you know that Gossip Girl the tv show started as Gossip Girl the book?). But let's look at the lit that either aims for something higher or manages to be better than the genre it comes out of: The Hunger Games series, The Book Thief, Lyra from the His Dark Materials trilogy, the writings of Laurie Halse Anderson (by all accounts--haven't read her yet). Go back a little further and you get things like Tuck Everlasting or To Kill a Mockingbird. Go back further and you get The Wizard of Oz's Dorothy or Little Women or Alice in Wonderland.

I'm not saying boys are underrepresented here either. Sure, there's Huck Finn and Holden Caulfield and a ton of other teenage boys--the name Harry Potter comes to mind. But I would wager (and it would be a wager; I have no evidence and like I said this is by-the-seat-of-my-pants analysis here) that there are a lot more strong female protagonists for young adult readers than there are male, especially in the last twenty years, even as there are a lot more male protagonists in "important" literature.

So, the question is, why?

One of my coworkers who knows of my writing aspirations suggested that she was concerned that there wouldn't be much for her son to read when he gets into the 12-17 year old range (a range when I think a lot of young men lose the drive to read) and that targeting that age range would be good for an aspiring author. I don't mind that suggestion--a lot of what I write actually features young male protagonists--but I wonder if she's right. Which came first? Do young adult males read less because there are fewer books marketed to and written for them, or are there fewer books marketed to them because they read less? And if there are, as I suspect, more young female readers than male, why is the literary canon still dominated by men? Are we just in the gap range when the centuries of male-dominated writing is still weightier than the decades of female-dominated reading? And what should I be doing to encourage boys AND girls to a) read more, and b) read more worthwhile books?

I have a feeling this is going to vex me.

Oh well. One week till school and two weeks till the last Hunger Games book. I'll find ways to stay distracted.

Film 101: Do the Right Thing

2010-07-29T00:56:00.001-04:00

(Before I get to my continuing quest to educate myself about 110 years of film history, let me say this: My blog gets all kinds of random comments from chinese spammers (with links) that I have to immediately delete as soon as I find them. If anyone (by which I mean Shawn, how apparently is the only person still reading) on how to stop this from happening, let me know. If not, I'll continue to fight the good fight.)

Now back to our regularly scheduled programming.

I've found myself on an interesting kick this summer. Perhaps because my own writing has been so blocked, I've been kind of immersing myself in all kinds of movie history. This is partly a fun way to prepare for my film class, but mostly because it's a subject I really love and am drawn to. I'm 30 pages away from finishing a book about the 1967 Best Picture Academy Award nominees and how they represent a shift from Old Hollywood to New Hollywood. I've been watching Turner Classic Movies on a semi-regular basis. I bought and devoured an old special about Martin Scorsese's personal journey through movies that influenced him (which has turned me on to several old films I've never heard of but really want to see now, including "The Bad and the Beautiful" and "Duel in the Sun"). I've bought and started perusing 1001 Movies to See Before You Die (I've seen only 198, sadly). I find it the topic of a lot of my thoughts and a great way to spend my time. Meanwhile, I'm limited with what I watch because Amelia has been trying to get me to watch old movies for ages, and now that I am interested she doesn't want me to watch them all without her--understandable I think.

So today I sat down looking for something to watch from my good friend Netflix Instant Watch and found Spike Lee's 1989 film Do the Right Thing. Spoilers may follow, but I haven't included anything major that I didn't already know before watching the film. Interesting thing about Spike Lee in my humble opinion: the same things that help make him an important and compelling filmmaker are also a big part of what scares suburban white viewers away from his work: his anger, his unwillingness to compromise, his refusal to back away from complex and multifaceted (and difficult) topics like race in America. Though his last few movies (I haven't seen them all, but I have seen The 25th Hour and Inside Man) have been less explicitly about race, as a young filmmaker he tackled these issues head on, perhaps never more effectively than in Do the Right Thing. (Again, I say perhaps because I admit my exposure to his catalog is limited.)

Taking place over a 24-hour period in a predominantly black neighborhood in Brooklyn, the film deals with the racial undercurrents that run beneath a community that has seen a lot. Central to the story is Lee's own character, Mookie, a pizza delivery man and struggling father. Mookie's employer, Sal, who runs his business with his two sons, has been in the neighborhood for years and has both deep care and fast contempt for the black men and women who make up his business. His two sons are even more strongly divided: one a barely restrained racist and the other tolerant (this feels like the wrong word, but it's late and I'm getting tired) and friendly with the neighborhood. Other characters, like Radio Raheem, a large black man who carries around a boombox constantly playing Public Enemy's "Fight the Power," and the Mayor, a semi-vagabond who is both loved and hated in the neighborhood, hover on the periphery, and one of the strengths of the film is the way many characters are both fleshed out and symbolic with just a few scenes. There's Mother Sister, a kind of watchful caretaker of the neighborhood. There are the three older men who serve as both comic relief and commentary on the various figures in the neighborhood. There are the Korean grocers who have recently moved in. As the heat rises on the hottest day of the summer, however, these various characters interact in increasingly nasty and violent ways.

Sal, for example, refuses to acknowledge a request from a loud customer that his pizza place could use some pictures of black men on the wall next to all the Italians. Sal's son gets increasingly vocal about his disdain for the neighborhood. The three old men complain about the Korean grocers owing a store in a black neighborhood. A large group of young people harass a guy riding his bike for scuffing their new sneakers. Again and again there is conflict, and simmering just under the surface is something more. When one of the conflicts turns violent and a character is murdered, the floodgates open and everything that has been barely contained beneath the surface comes crashing out. (Whoa, some mixed metaphors there).

I don't know what I was expecting, but I was surprised and blown away about this film. Part of what really gets me still is the great shifts in tone that Lee employs. I don't know if it's his youth or his desire to push boundaries or what, but there are so many quick steps between tension and comedy, community and disjunction. He employs innovative techniques, like characters hurling a series of racial stereotypes and epithets directly to the camera, that both break the viewer out of the story and force him to be drawn in--are those epithets being spoken to you? Are they voicing thoughts you've never voiced (or at least never acknowledged in mixed company)? What do you see in this neighborhood: threats on every corner? Home? A bridge? Something that must be confronted? Even the title asks viewers to pass judgment: what is the right thing? Does Mookie do it when he basically starts a riot? Or not? Who is to blame here? Not all the things he tries to do work, I don't think, but he's not just throwing everything against the wall; he's trying to create a cross-section of experience--the friendships, the arguments, the love, the loneliness. Some of his technical stylings seem overly exuberant, but I'd rather have a filmmaker trying new things than just imitating everyone else.

There are things that date the movie: the opening credits feature a dance sequence by Rosie Perez that just seems silly now, though I guess you could make a few arguments that her various costume changes are a metaphor for the different facets each of us have below the surface. The crazy bright colors set this in that late 80s period before rap went gangsta and everyone wanted to be hood. And Samuel L. Jackson's radio DJ--seems so provincial to have a "neighborhood radio station," but who knows, maybe that's common in New York. At the very least it provides a good framing device for moving from point to point throughout the day (though I did think at least once, "Man, is that guy the only DJ at the station or does he just work a 16 hour shift?").

Dated moments aside, it remains a pretty powerful film. Even in our post-Obama and supposedly post-racial world, there is still plenty of room to explore the concepts of race, anger, stereotypes, and guilt today. In fact, my first reaction was that I wished I could show this to my film class (there's just too much bad language and a little bit of nudity to justify it) and to my sister's Houston students, because I'd be interested in how a cross section of 2010 teenagers process this. How do they assign guilt and innocence in the events that play out? What does that say about them, and about our world? What does it say about me?

I was impressed. Like The Searchers, my other favorite summer movie find so far, this may make its way onto some sort of great movies list for me: I couldn't say whether it's top 10 or top 50, but it's one I'll continue to remember and think about. I think that's what Lee was going for.

Film 101: The Searchers

2010-07-15T14:07:00.000-04:00

First, yes, it's been a while. Sorry about that. I can't promise I'll be as prolific as I once was, but I realized there are things I can be posting in this blog a little more regularly. Today, film class.

As facebook readers and other online friends already know, I've been spending the last couple of days putting together a course overview for the Intro to Film class I teach. This is the first time I'm teaching it on my own, so I wanted to have some clear direction/ideas/purpose going into it. It's meant immersing myself back in film a little bit, a process which I always find rewarding, though at times time consuming (and at other times really boring). I've come up with a pretty good list, I think, and I'm sure I'll post some things about those films in future posts, but I wanted to write a little about a film that I'm NOT including but have a lot of thoughts about: John Ford's 1956 film The Searchers.

If you haven't seen the film yet, it's available on Netflix Instant Watch, and I definitely think it's worth the time. This review will contain spoilers, so if that matters to you, go watch it first and then come back. The film's principle character is Ethan Edwards, played by John Wayne, an angry, hateful, cold former Confederate soldier who shows up at his brother's house a few years after the war. When Ethan's brother's family is murdered by Comanches and the two daughters are taken hostage, Ethan and sidekick Martin go on a quest to bring her back. The journey lasts somewhere between ten and fifteen years (I've read 14 years, but I couldn't find a specific answer, and I didn't watch quite closely enough to add up all the different time periods mentioned).

The film opens inside the house, looking out the doorway at the dust kicked up by Edwards' approach, and the shot will be famously mirrored at the film's ending (again, looking out the doorway at Edwards, this time as he walks away), as well as several other times throughout the movie. This simple device is telling us a little something already: we are inside the house with the civilized, the safe, the proper, while Edwards isn't. In fact, at the end of the film, all the characters enter the house around Edwards, but he is stuck on the outside looking in. He's a man left to, in a paraphrase of Martin Scorsese's words, wander in a spiritual and literal wasteland. He doesn't fit in with the more mature world the West is badly trying to become.

Don't feel too badly for Ethan, though. Did I mention that the guy is a total asshole? He won't let Martin call him Uncle Ethan, like the rest of the family does, because Martin is 1/8th Cherokee, despite having been saved by Ethan as a baby and raised by Ethan's brother. He calls him things like Blankethead and insults his intelligence. In fact, he insults pretty much everyone around him, with the exception of his brother's wife, who may or may not have feelings for him (there is no dialog mentioning a relationship, but there is some peculiar behavior on both parts that indicates romantic feelings for each other). His hatred of the Indians is so deep that he suggests that if he finds Debbie (his niece) still alive, he might have to kill her anyway because she would have been tainted by living with the Indians for so long. He is unaccountably savage--shooting the eyes out of a dead Comanche because in their belief system that means he'll be a wanderer for eternity (sounds familiar . . . see that last shot again) and trying to kill an entire herd of buffalo so that at least they won't go towards feeding the Indians.

Yes, the Comanches are pretty savage and violent--they burn the house down (George Lucas referenced this shot when Luke returns to Uncle Owen's farm and sees it burned down in Star Wars) and slaughter a lot of people, but Ethan is really no better. In fact, he has more in common with the Native Americans he hates than with the civilized family that's saving a place for Martin.

So why does it all matter? Well for one, in addition to the carefully constructed filmmaking (that bookending of the film's opening shots is matched in other ways as well. Early on, for example, we have Ethan's brother's family waiting for the Comanches to attack while a dog barks to indicate trouble coming. At the end of the film we have the Comanche camp unknowingly preparing for an attack from Ethan and the white guys, and again we have a dog barking to indicate trouble) and in addition to the sheer beauty of the film (it's really worth it to see it in HD. Monument Valley never looked so epic.), there's that introduction of the complex anti-hero that would be so important throughout the 60s and 70s especially. No, John Ford's not the first director to have a morally questionable hero, not by a long shot, but to take a figure as iconic as John Wayne and twist that image on its head is really effective. In our society, John Wayne means the ultimate cowboy, that great American mythic figure, but in The Searchers the myth is brought down to reality a little bit. That's part of the reason a lot of great filmmakers (Scorsese and Lucas are just two) consider this such an important film, but you can see its influence continue in their works. The dark antihero of Taxi Driver who wants to protect the innocent girl, etc. These things have roots in this 50s western that wasn't even nominated for an academy award.

Now, it's not a perfect film, I'll admit. While I found some of the subplots funny, they tonally don't match the film as a whole, and a few of the characters are stuck in caricature mode from beginning to end, but still, this was so much more than I expect it to be. As a college student I watched a few minutes of it with Amelia (who had to watch it for class) and found myself incredibly bored. This time I couldn't look away. Highly recommended.

OK GO: This Will Be Everywhere in About Seven Minutes

2010-03-02T13:02:00.000-05:00

Still, so awesome:

All Comments Lost?

2010-02-28T15:04:00.001-05:00

Sorry for the delay. Things are getting back on track. It seems I really have lost all my comments, which is tragic, but I'm still checking out some options and I still am considering just using the opportunity to have a general blog redesign. We'll see.

By the way, I had to change the code. I don't know that it matters, but if you read through an RSS reader, you may need to update the site feed for comments and for the blog itself. TBA.

In the meantime, enjoy The Japanese Tradition:

Blog Issues

2010-02-23T13:06:00.000-05:00

Well, I guess this is what I get for leaving the blog dormant for so long. A few people have pointed out my comments issues. I guess Haloscan, who I've used for comments up to this point, is switching over their system to what you see now. It's caused a couple of problems for me, namely that they're moving to a pay system in a few weeks (pass), and right now, though your comments are there when you open up the comments box, they're not being counted. They're also not going through to my rss reader, which is how i know when someone has commented.

I'm trying to figure out a way to fix this, but it may mean a couple of things
1) Remove haloscan and lose all comments. This would be sad.
2) Remove haloscan and figure out a way to transfer all comments (I think this can be done, but I don't know)
3) Completely reformat the blog and lose all comments. Very possible. Also sad.

Anyway, I'm looking to fix this, but until then go ahead and keep commenting. I'm checking the posts to read what you say, and if I end up losing all the comments we'll all hold hands, take a deep breath, and start over again.

Just don't try and linger in the hand-holding too long. I'm a happily married man!

You People and Your Oscars

2010-02-22T21:49:00.000-05:00

Since only my Oscar post has gotten any response (I don't blame you, I've been gone so long!) I thought I'd try a little more of the same. From Business Pundit via Slashfilm.

Joel Weighs in on the Kevin Smith Airline Dustup

2010-02-21T18:52:00.001-05:00

OK, so maybe I'm a few weeks late to the conversation. As a pretty big guy myself, I have all kinds of sympathy for Kevin Smith. That kind of humiliation and embarrassment is something I wouldn't wish on anyone, and while I've never been kicked off a flight, I've had my own various size-related broblems.

But I think everyone is missing the real issue here. I thought striking it big in Hollywood was supposed to make your life better. So what was Kevin Smith doing flying Southwest?

Olympic . . . Clamminess

2010-02-20T22:41:00.000-05:00

As opposed to Beijing in 2008, I'm having kind of a hard time catching catching Olympic fever this year. I'm mildly interested, but that's about it.

The thing is, I probably enjoy winter sports a little more than summer sports. Bobsled? Snowboarding? Ice Dancing? All awesome. But this year I have no real desire to push through and watch. And not just because of the possibility that I might get stuck watching one of those awful Mary Carillo featurettes. It's just not doing it for me.

Speaking of which, I just finished reading John Smolens' The Anarchist. Skip it. Though a historical fiction novel about the assassination of William McKinley should be ripe for excitement, the whole thing is just flat. None of the characters are believable. None of them are even particularly well drawn. Really a bit of a waste of time.

So who knows what I'll read next. I'm thinking of hitting Treasure Island. I know, a bit of a kids book, but one I never read and one that ought to be fun and fast. After that, who knows? Maybe Stieg Larsson's The Girl Who Played With Fire. Whatever I'm reading, I seem to be avoiding reading some of the stuff for school I probably should. Ah well, it's that time of year. Spring break looming, mid-year boredom. Such is life.

Weak End

2010-02-19T22:16:00.000-05:00

Here's the thing lately. We bought a gym membership. But I leave for work at around 7:15 everyday (commute, a little prep time, try and be ready to go in school by around 7:50) and after a long day of teenagerdom, the last thing I want is to go exercise. So when do I go?

5 a.m.

What? Until a few weeks ago the only reason I'd get up that early would be for a road trip or if someone set the house on fire.

So it's been a little bit of an adjustment, and as a result I find myself falling asleep early. Like sometimes before 10:00 early. Because the body needs some rest, right? But then when the weekend comes I want to stay up late again, because I CAN, finally. And then the whole schedule gets thrown off and I'm exhausted come Monday morning again.

What I'd like is a way to go to the gym, start exercising, and then just go to sleep until the workout is over. Is there a way to do that? I imagine it would involve some sort of electrical stimulation of the muscles or something, but I'm a pretty big guy. I think I could take it. I just need to find a way to turn my brain off from the stimulus coming in.

Teenagers do that naturally. I often find I'm engaging them on a subject only to discover their brains are completely disconnected. Maybe they have something to teach me after all.

Revoked

2010-02-18T20:57:00.000-05:00

I know, I know. There I am right below this post promising to blog every day until my birthday, and then what happens the next day? Nothing. Because I didn't blog. My blogger's license should be revoked.

Speaking of which (now that's what I call a segue), I've been getting a lot of updates about the Oscars in my Google Reader. Apparently the producers are trying to liven up the show to attract more viewers. Cutting song performances, trying to make speeches more exciting by setting up an online "thank you cam" etc. So here's my idea.

Oscar Revokes. You know those Oscars that everybody is excited about at the moment but then months or years later we're all like, really? We did that? We gave an Oscar to Mira Sorvino? Make them give them back. Force them to come back to the show, publicly apologize for their inability to live up to their award, and then melt down that little gold statue right in front of them. In worst case scenarios, they could even call up whoever should have one and give them an honorary retroactive award.

For example, I think the first Revoke should go to Mr. Cuba Gooding Jr. Just have him come up on stage and show a reel of films he made AFTER winning an Oscar: Snow Dogs! Boat Trip! Daddy Day Camp! Norbit! The Land Before Time XIII!

That guy is soiling Oscars name! What do you think? Anyone you think shouldn't be have the title "Oscar-winner" before their name?

#47

2010-02-16T21:12:00.000-05:00

See, this is why I need to blog more. I'm trying to figure out some sort of clever title that would hint at the new goal I've set to blog everyday from now until my birthday (47 days from today) and also provide some sort of hipster reference or pun or something, and I got nothing. 47 Ronin? The jersey number of Jazz player Andrei Kirilenko? What?

There is no wittiness here.

Great article on Esquire's website about Roger Ebert, the oral surgeries that have removed his jaw and left him incapable of speech, and his massively changed life. I remember getting excited on Saturday afternoons about watching Siskel and Ebert. The show was better than previews because it showed real clips, and here were two guys who knew what they were talking about. Sad now when I ask my film class that only one or two have them have heard of them. Anyway, it's worth a few minutes of your time.

Things are tense at school these days. Lay-offs are happening, and it's a pretty big bummer. Definitely concerned for those losing jobs in this economic climate. Between that and my new 5 am wakeup time (get up, go to the gym, stay awake for 15 more hours, fall asleep early) it's serious days lately. Maybe blogging will spice things up.

Current Fascinations

2010-01-26T09:23:00.000-05:00

I can't get enough of teuxdeux.com these days. It's exactly the web-based To Do list I've been searching for. As easy as paper and pencil, but with cool common sense features as well. For example, anything not crossed off on your current day is automatically pushed to the next day. You can add items days (perhaps even weeks?) in advance, and there's even a category for "someday." Worth a shot, if you like To Do lists.

I also just started reading The Terror by Dan Simmons. If you're looking for a historically based account of 19th century Arctic exploration that also has some sort of snow monster in it, this is the book for you! I'm really enjoying it, and it's based on the real doomed expedition of two ships (Terror and Erebus) searching for the Northwest Passage in around 1845. (Real, except for the snow monsters, that is. I think.) It makes me cold just reading it!

I've also really started enjoying the "Stuff You Missed in History Class" Podcast. It's short (15-20 minute) conversations between two women discussing some interesting historical topic: William Randolph Hearst, for example, or Robert Dudley--the love of Queen Elizabeth I's life. It reminds me of the best parts of grad school in a lot of ways: smart people talking about something that they're passionate about in a down to earth and interesting manner. Worth a listen if you're historically inclined, I think.

Leno? More Like Hell No!

2010-01-14T21:21:00.000-05:00

Year in Review

2010-01-04T20:23:00.000-05:00

Well, the good thing about the blog being dormant in most of 2009 was that I didn't feel compelled to compile a "Best _________ of 2009/ Best __________ of the Decade" like everyone else seemed to do. Not that there's anything wrong with that, those of you who pumped out lists with grace and ease, but I have trouble remembering what I did last week (I was in Kansas), let alone last year. Inevitably I would leave some things off and go back later to find the list not really representative of what I thought/saw/felt/believed. It's things like this that allow me to understand my mission companion who would white out and re-edit his journal. Sometimes things are easier (if more fictitious) to capture in looking back on them than in the actual moment.

That said, I think 2009 will be the year that I finally embraced my inner nerd. I don't know if it was something about turning 30 (despite the fact that I've looked like a 40 year old for the better part of the last six years), but I think this was the year I stopped really caring too much what other people think.

Not you. I care about what you think. Don't worry.

But other people. So what if I like playing video games and reading comic books? Maybe it's the sign of a stunted inner child, but maybe it's just an enjoyable way to spend some time. Either way, if it makes someone think less of me, that's really their deal. I remain awesome, even if I can argue which comic book contains Brian Michael Bendis's best work (answer: Powers) or who all the contenders for the throne are in the Song of Ice and Fire series (answer: Joffrey, Robb, Balon, Stannis, Renly . . . and Daenerys across the ocean). I wish, like maybe most adults do, that I had been this comfortable in my skin when I was a teenager, or even in college. How much time did I waste trying to seem cooler than I actually am? Now I know how cool I am (answer: the exact right amount) and I'm ok if you know it too.

As for predictions for 2010? I could rattle off a list of goals (I have plenty of them) or hopes (here's to new opportunities), but mostly I just expect another year of enjoying my life, my wife, my job, and my home. That's a pretty good package, if you ask me.

Oh, and to finally write that book.

Or win the lottery.

Whichever comes first.

Happy New Year!

2010-01-02T02:59:00.001-05:00

I should blog more.

Right Wing Conspira-V

2009-11-18T23:30:00.000-05:00

In keeping with the geeky trends of recent posts, I've really been enjoying ABC's new show V. It's a remake/ reimagining of the 80s series, which gave me nightmares and yet somehow resides in my mind as a fond memory. In a lot of ways it's a little perfect storm of geekdom--two actors from Joss Whedon's Firelfly/Serenity series, headlined by Juliet from Lost, with aliens, hot girls, and a bit of an 80s retro vibe all thrown in for good measure. The alien tech is all sleek and minimalist--their spaceship could have been designed by Apple--and the show prominently features a Star Wars-friendly motif wherein a small band of mismatched rebels has to unite to fight an insidious threat. In short, if you haven't been watching it, check it out online. I think it's far superior to the other new genre show this season, Flash Forward, and if the public only has appetite for one sci-fi series at a time, I'd rather see V inherit the Lost crown.

That said, the overly-analytical English and film student in me can't help but pick out the possible political allegory hiding beneath the surface like so much lizard skin. While the original miniseries drew clear parallels to the Nazi threat to Europe (check out the flag/symbol of the original V's), this newest iteration would make Glenn Beck proud. Check it out:

A new force comes to America taking the country by storm. This force is

Young
Attractive (and racially mixed)
Intelligent
Calm but bold

This new force promises many key changes, including an ability to

Fix health care
Bring peace
Bolster the economy by emphasizing new technology

Though promising great things, this force is actually a dangerous threat, as evidenced by

A loosening in immigration laws allowing free passage into the country for outsiders
A tightening grip on the media, which kowtows to the new force and refuses to ask tough questions
Prompting a turn away from old-fashioned values (in this case represented by people turning away from/questioning their faith)

This force excites and engages the younger generation, despite parental reservations
This force has infiltrated (we are led to believe) the highest levels of government, including the FBI
Those willing to stand against this new threat themselves represent Traditional American Values:

Law enforcement (the FBI agent)
Religion (the priest)
The common man (Georgie)
The covert, or former follower, who has seen the error of his ways (the rebel alien)

If there were some way to blame the bank crisis on the V's, I think it would be a typical evening broadcast on Fox News!

So, anyone else watching this? Are you enjoying the show as much as I am? Is the conservative metaphor there, or have I been reading too many essays on symbolism? And by the way, my point is not to comment on whether such a metaphor is good or bad, fair or unfair. I've already said, I quite like the show, and longtime readers will know that my politics don't skew to the right. But I can't help but see the allegory and find it fascinating. What do you think?

It's All Geek To Me

2009-11-05T21:09:00.000-05:00

I heard a radio commercial today advertising a "Geekend in Savannah." The commercial was fine until this segment:

"What's a geek? A geek is someone who spends time doing geeky things. You know, like surfing the Internet, blogs, and twitter."

What? It's 2009, sir. By your definition everyone under the age of 35 and most of the population over 35 would be considered a geek. The only non geeks would be the very elderly and people in vegetative comas.

No, I'll tell you what a geek is. A geek is someone who unabashedly likes this:

One of the greatest movies of my childhood and one of the greatest songs of my teenagehood? Yes! Now that's fine geekery.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

2009-11-03T20:14:00.001-05:00

Oh, here you are blog, sitting at the back of my closet. Let's get you out, for old time's sake.

Yep. Still fits.

The preceding joke, however, raised a difficult question for me. Is it "for old TIMES' sake" or "for old TIME'S sake"? Grammar mavens, do your thing!

Ah, my neighbors. I could write about them for hours. In fact, it's been so long since I've posted that I'm tempted to do a tv revamp with the blog. You know, bring it back from hiatus with a whole new cast (Saved by the Bell: The New Class) or a last ditch cute kid effort (Family Ties, The Cosby Show, etc.). But I don't think I have quite enough neighbors to fully populate the blog. Most of them are pretty fine folks, even if they are crazy Southerners.

And I certainly don't have neighbors like this guy.

Still, I was walking the dog this afternoon and noticed that one of my neighbors had done his civic duty and decked out the house with Christmas decorations. Candy cane's along the walk way, lights on the rooftop, the whole shtick. From here on out, I think this neighbor will be known as the Christmas Creep.

Don't get me wrong. As Amelia can attest, I'm a huge Christmas fan. It really is my favorite time of year, and by Thanksgiving week I'm ready to start a new mix cd (I believe the kids are calling them "playlists" now) of hipster Christmas jams. But seriously? It's November 3! It's bad enough that Target and Walmart had Christmas displays up before they'd made a dent in their Halloween decor. Now my neighborhood--where it was 80 degrees just last week--has to become a winter wonderland while kids are still chomping on Trick or Treating candy?

I say no, sir!

As a teacher, time is measured by holidays, and I can only look ahead as far as my next day off (Veteran's Day, you may be in the middle of the week, but you look so very fine). This whole Christmas roll-out is throwing off my game.

Oh No!

2009-09-17T20:00:00.001-04:00

My facebook page was rudely interrupted today:

Fortunately Beyonce let me read her facebook page later, so it all worked out.

Won't You Be My Neighbor?

2009-09-05T23:15:00.001-04:00

So I'm out mowing my lawn yesterday--it has rained for seemingly the last three weeks straight, meaning yesterday was the first chance I really had to mow where I didn't risk putting my mower underwater (though the grass in the drainage ditch did seem to be resting on a cushion of water)--and was just about finished, when I look up to see a neighbor walking toward us.

Now, a thing about my neighbors: We don't know any of them. When we first moved in, Amelia took a plate of cookies to everyone nearby (weren't they supposed to welcome us?), but we were greeted with strange stares. I'm antisocial anyway, and when the houses immediately on our sides switched over to renters, we kind of just shrugged our shoulders, closed the blinds, and hoped they wouldn't trash their houses (they haven't; we still like our neighborhood quite a bit).

Across the street is a family that I can't quite figure out. Lots of teenage visitors, a lady who seems to be late 40s/ early 50s, and like a 6 year old kid, who I'm not sure actually lives there; he may visit with an uncle or something. I don't know, it's odd, for a variety of reasons, but nothing that really bugs me.

Anyway, the mom from this family comes walking across the street, holding a cake in her hands. "How nice!" I think, "Someone's bringing us a cake! It's like a welcome to the neighborhood, just two years later!"

I have my iPod going (Uhh Yeah Dude, of course), so I pull my earbuds out and smile welcomingly.

"Hello!" I say. And then the conversation goes off the rails.

She says, "If I pay you ten dollars, will you mow my lawn too?"

Now, I don't know about you, but I see two problems with this.

1) Ten dollars? Is it 1983? When our lawn mower broke mid-mowing, I had to pay a kid $20 just to do half of the front. I'm pretty sure that's not the going rate any more.

2) Do I look 13 years old? I'm a grown man! Hiring someone to cut the grass means either going for a lawn service or hiring someone on their way home from little league. It DOESN'T mean trying to underpay your 30 year old neighbor.

Needless to say, it got awkward. Especially when she didn't take no for an answer. I tried playing it off with a smile: "Whoo, it's 7:30 on a Friday night! I don't think I can handle any more mowing!" When that didn't work, I tried pawning it off on someone else: "I think there's a guy who lives right around the corner who has a lawn care company. I'm sure they'd do it for you!" When she had a response for that, I went to neighborly but distancing: "Well, if you want to borrow the lawnmower sometime I'm sure that could work."

At that point I think she got the idea that I wasn't interested, but seriously. It's enough to confirm my anti-social tendencies. People don't get it.

How I Spent My Summer Vacation

2009-08-24T20:24:00.008-04:00

After multiple requests in a 24 hour period to return to the magical days of yore--the Days of Blogcraft--I decided that it was time to return to the Monkey. Attentive readers will note that my last post was right after the end of the school year. Which, as you might have guessed, means that I'm coming back now at the beginning of a new school year. What have I done in the meantime?

I'm glad you asked!

Late May

Right before school ended I met up with the Boys from college for a madcap adventure in Nashville. Why Nashville, you ask? Because it was there.

From right: Shawn, John, Nate, Dylan, random old dude

We enjoyed wine, women, and song, but minus the wine and women. We did, however, see some moderately talented breakdancers. And by moderately talented I mean "More than me, but less than Lou Diamond Phillips"--it's what I call the Diamond Phillips standard.

Right after this I ran out and collected all the change that fell out of his pockets.

We ate more than any five men should before sharing a hotel room and a compact car.

The sordid remains

Also, this old lady may or may not have been getting fresh with someone.

Look, I'm not saying she's about to grab anything inappropriate. Really.

June

School ended, and with it, my desire to do anything at all. The summer was mostly spent reading, catching up on TV and video games, and being an amazing house husband. What some call "being lazy" I would call "one of the perks of being a teacher."

However, the final week of June Amelia and I packed Finn in the car and headed north to the Blue Ridge Mountains.

We spent just under a week in this little place:

It's even better than it looks.

It was one of the better vacations I've taken. Ever.

We were joined by our friends Dylan and Kristy (and their sons), none of whom I managed to get a picture of, even after nearly drowning their middle child on a canoe trip.

Not pictured: Anybody

That's just how I roll.

July

In July we went to Charleston to celebrate our anniversary.

We went shopping, took a carriage ride, ate at some fun restaurants . . . you know, all the stuff

you do on a vacation.

Sorry, Dylan. Even the horse got a picture. Just not your family.

Oh, also, at some point during the summer I shaved the goatee and grew out a mustache.

The Stache looks so happy

I like it, despite all expectations to the contrary.

There were more trips taken--to see Dylan and Kristy in Atlanta, to Orlando--and more things accomplished, and overall it was just a really nice summer.

August

Now I'm back at work and trying to keep my head above water. I'm sure I have half the students my younger sister does in class, but I've got some new responsibilities at work, and an extra class, so I'm still in the adjusting phase. Still, it's nice to have a reason to get up in the morning again.

At least for a few weeks. Then I'll be ready to become a full time layabout once again.

Guinness Book of Useless Records

2009-06-15T22:54:00.005-04:00

So in the last 24 hours, two stories regarding the Guinness Book of World Records have made their way into my rss reader. The first was about the largest smurf gathering on record (2500 people--and by the way, that's not the website I pulled the story from, but take a look at the seventh picture down; I think I found Waldo! ). The second was about the largest air guitar jam session in world record history.

Three important pieces of information stand out to me from these news stories.

1) Both events happened in Great Britain. Um, Brits, are you ok?

2) Amazingly, there were five times as many people willing to paint themselves blue and dress up like smurfs than there were people air shredding together. How is that possible? How has the air guitar jam session not been sponsored by some minor league baseball team convincing everyone in their stands to jam for three minutes during the seventh inning stretch? Marketers, please take this as a call to arms. I think I could top 440 air guitarists just by posting on Craigslist.

3) Guinness Book of World Records, you done fell off. (Old man rant on) In my day, there were respectable records in your hallowed pages. Crazy long fingernails, or dudes that had tattooed every inch of their body, or a guy with a super-long tongue. Now it seems like any fool with a stupid idea and a camera can give himself a so-called world record. Hey, let's get 200 dudes on riding lawn mowers and get a spot in the record books. No? How about 317 guys in Harry Potter glasses, does that do anything for you? 550 people waving remote controls in the air. Is it really just that easy? Of course they're world records--no one else is dumb enough to get that many people together to do something so pointless! (Old man rant off)

I'm disappointed in everybody.

But especially you, Great Britain.

Bumming Down

2009-05-29T12:20:00.003-04:00

From a recent student essay: "In a way the party is slowly but surly bumming down the people of Oceania." I'm not sure what it means, but it's exactly right.

Speaking of bumming down, what's with all the Internet hatred of Terminator Salvation? Hey, The Internet! Just because you twittered it does not make it so! I agree that it's not a perfect film, or even a great film. It's not as fun as Star Trek, it's too self-serious, it doesn't have good character development, and there are some cheesy bits. I will cede all of these points, and still tell you it's not a terrible movie, or even a bad movie. It's a typical summer blockbuster type film! Does stuff blow up? Yes it does. Is there some good action? Yes there is. If you were expecting Terminator 2 (which I will admit is a pretty great movie) then you must have missed Terminator 3, which is a complete pile of dog gravy. The Internet Has Decided that it's a bad film, so that's all anyone seems to say now, but it's really not. It's entertaining from pretty much beginning to end, and takes the fanchise in a new direction, rather than retreading the same ground that has been worn raw in three movies and a tv show.

Oh, and it's a Terminator movie, not Hamlet. Look, I'm not trying to make the argument that stupid entertainment should be excused, but I am saying perhaps expectations should be kept in line with the product. Big summer sci-fi extravaganzas aren't going anywhere, but they aren't all going to be "great" movies like The Dark Knight or even IronMan. And historically they haven't been! Take the summer of 1988 (thanks to Cinematical's Our Favorite Summers feature for the backup). The biggest action movie that came out that summer was certainly Die Hard. Also out that summer in the same genre? Red Heat, Rambo III, and Young Guns--not to mention more forgettable entries like The Presidio and The Dead Pool. Sure, all of those are entertaining to greater or lesser degrees, and some have a cheese factor that makes them fond memories, but only one remains as a definitive action film.

So lay off McG and Christian Bale. Is it the best movie you'll see this summer? No way. Is it a terrible way to spend your $8.00 at the box office? Not at all. Hey The Internet, you don't have to be so cynical about everything, and you don't have to whine so bad when something doesn't go just as you imagined it. So quit bumming down the people!

(PS - coming soon I'll have a Nashville recap, but for now let me just say that good times were had.)

Ground Control to Major Tom

2009-05-19T07:15:00.002-04:00

Seeing Tom Hanks guest star on Will Ferrell's Saturday Night Live made me remember just how likable that guy is. It also made me long for the days when he wasn't just making serviceable but unmemorable Ron Howard movies.

These Aren't The Droids You're Looking For

2009-05-14T14:02:00.004-04:00

From a senior final, in response to a quote from Frankenstein:

"Victor was not interested in wealth, but in preventing and even reversing death. We all know, however, from Star Wars Episode III, that therein lies the path to the dark side of the force."

Needless to say, I gave him a bonus point.

The Lost Returned

2009-05-03T22:23:00.004-04:00

Oh man, where have I been? Apparently time really does speed up as you get older, because I feel like I'm using most of my time productively these days, and yet getting less done. It's like time is in some kind of cosmic wormhole, out of which there is no escape.

No, that's not quite true. I'm getting a lot done, actually, just not in all the areas I want to get things done.

It's been an interesting year at school thus far. I don't know what happens when the kids become seniors, but it's like a whole new set of kids--both those I teach and those I don't--have inhabited the high school halls this year. These personality shifts culminated in a sticky mess involving plagiarism and a student I had really enjoyed teaching for several years. Sad way to close out a high school career.

Still, the student's life will go on, and I hope it will go on with some important lessons and self-reflection under the belt. Sometimes getting called out can be a great course correction. I hope so anyway.

We had field day on Friday, which, as one of the student council advisers, I had a hand in preparing. The field day has usually ended in a food fight, which the administration has been trying to curtail because of concerns of bullying and hazing, but this year it didn't. It was really fun to see how this thing that had previously just ended in chaos and a wasted day this time ended up as a positive and bonding experience for everyone who stayed. The last event, the obstacle course, was a joke last year--not even finished. But this year all the times were sitting around cheering their representatives, and the whole thing had a good spirit of competition. Something that had been so negative for a lot of people turned into something positive.

Maybe that's the theme of this post: good coming out of bad. Maybe my multi-week blog silence will result in a boon of creativity and comedy in May.

Either that, or everything will go silent again. We'll see.

Sometimes

2009-04-13T18:46:00.001-04:00

I freeze up, because there are so many books in the world, and I want to read them all.

Cereal Drama

2009-04-02T12:25:00.004-04:00

Summer movie trailers are starting to get into the rotation, so I thought it was the perfect time for this. If you're not a movie geek like me, you'd know Michael Bay as the director of such classic films as The Rock, Armageddon, Bad Boys II, and (the movie that finally convinced my brother and I were always destined to see crappy movies together) Pearl Harbor. Think of any of those movies, and then watch this.

This Just In . . .

2009-03-27T07:43:00.003-04:00

. . . Nicholas Cage still looks like a douche.

Spring break has been pretty successful. Amelia and I are spending a night out this weekend (in beautiful Jacksonville!) but for the most part it's been days at home trying to find stuff to do. In actuality, there has been plenty to do. I've reseeded the lawn, bought a lawnmower (I'll test it out later today when the grass dries), graded a whole lot of tests and essays (Still have like 40 more, unfortunately), enjoyed my new PlayStation 3, caught up on "Heroes" (still good parts and terribly cheesy parts), read/finished 3 books (I hope to get in A Lesson Before Dying still this weekend), and just generally enjoyed not having to go to work. As my sister and fellow-English teacher Beth pointed out a couple of weeks ago, teachers really do need the vacations, or we'd all go crazy and start slapping students, so don't tell us our jobs are easy because of all the vacation time, thank you very much. Besides, given the hours I put in during the week (nine hour work days to begin with, plus usually an hour or so at home in the evening and a typically four to six hour grading day on the weekends) and the meagerness of my paycheck, a few days off are kind of like part of the compensation package in my view. It's a rewarding job, but make no mistake, it wears you down.

But enough about how teachers are undervalued. Here's what I have decided I need to work on lately. Multitasking. I have a buddy who is a successful lawyer, is in a band that he frequently tours with, writes his own music, reads constantly, and has the ability to stay up on every movie and tv show ever. I don't understand this. When I asked him how he was able to get it all done, he told me multitasking was the key. As we chatted (online), he was also writing a song, watching a tv show about Druids, and reading like four other websites. On the one hand, amazing, because I struggle to do anything simultaneously, and some of my hobbies (gaming) preclude me from doing multiple things at once. On the other hand, I am lazy, and doing twelve things simultaneously sounds kind of crazy. But I have a couple of friends like that, and I think this is the difference between what makes them impressive and makes me kind of low achieving. I have the ability to do a lot of that stuff, but when it comes down to it, I spend more time just chilling in front of the tv than being productive.

So. I'm going to try and change that. I've got to get back to writing, so I'm going to try and set aside an hour or two each day to write. I'd also like to work on photography a bit more. I think I have a good eye, but I never take the time to go take pictures. I realize this isn't actually multitasking, just making better use of my time, but we've all got to start somewhere, right?

After all, look at Nic Cage. That guy took a promising career and, with real focus and dedication, flushed it down the toilet to do a string of terrible, terrible movies. If he has that level of commitment, why can't I?

People I Can't Stand/Am Fascinated By

2009-03-14T18:41:00.004-04:00

Charles Barkley: He's like a big cuddly bear that I want to punch in the face.

Kanye West: Thinks he's bigger than Jesus and the Beatles put together, but come on . . . so, so catchy.

Bill Maher: Such a pompous A-hole, but the discussions on his show are often so fascinating.

The Real Housewives of Orange County: Terrible, terrible people who I love to see fail at life.

Axl Rose: I don't think about Axl 99.9% of the time. But that .1% of the time is like seeing a train wreck on your birthday. Terrible and awesome.

The Entire State of Florida: Exceptions include our friends Emily and Daniel and my cousin Christy and her husband. But seriously, what's up with Florida?

Tyra Banks: Watching clips of her on The Soup is enough, but nothing she does surprises me anymore. I expect the worst.

Simon Cowell: In the people I just can't stand category: everyone else associated with American Idol. (With one or two embarassing exceptions.)

People Who Know How To Maintain Their Lawn: Jealous!

Bite Size Bloggery

2009-03-09T18:54:00.007-04:00

So as you can see at right I'm reading The Great Santini, which scores of kids who don't like reading count as their favorite book. I have to admit, I'm just not feeling it. It seems so hokey and melodramatic! Maybe you have to be a "true" Southerner to like it, which I readily agree that I am not. Sorry, Pat Conroy (though the local references are fun to catch), but I'm bored with you so far.

Moose Munch from Harry & David, where have you been all my life?

Have you seen Microsoft's World in 2019? This is a future I can get behind!
DVR, you're doing it right.

But Joss Whedon's new show Dollhouse, you're not yet. I want to believe you'll be good, because I have soft spots in my heart for Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Serenity/Firefly. But I'm also not convinced Eliza Dushku is enough of an actress to carry this show. I hear you get good around episode 6, so I'll keep watching, but I have to ask . . . why not start with episode 6?

Why don't have the time anymore to get things done? I can't seem to make grading headway, I'm not making book progress, and I can't seem to remember the last time I turned on the Xbox. Where is the time going? Am I really wasting that much time on my new HD channels?

Yes.

Speaking of which, I might dedicate a whole post to this, but Palladia may be the coolest new channel I have found in a long time. A constant series of HD concerts (featuring everyone from Kanye West to Elvis Costello--very sweaty--to Foo Fighters to Sting and beyond, plus HD music videos with (from what I've seen) almost no commercials? I'll take it!

In fact, maybe I'll go turn it on and do some reading/grading

My Life As: An Episode of 'The West Wing'

2009-03-04T00:08:00.004-05:00

[DRUMS]

NARRATOR

Previously . . .

SHOELESS JOEL

(rapidly) Did you know grammar is important?

STUDENT

(rapidly)Really?

(rapidly)Yeah.

STUDENT

(rapidly) Grammar?

(rapidly) Yeah.

STUDENT

(rapidly) Important?

(rapidly) Yeah.

STUDENT

(rapidly I think I heard something about that.

(rapidly) Good. It’s important. It’s what sets us apart from the squeaks and grunts of animals. It gives our noise meaning, by putting it in its proper order, by setting it down in a systematic, rule based way. It, at its most basic, is the framework on which communication must rest. It’s at play when we talk to our parents or when we communicate with astronauts. It is the basis of Shakespeare and the basis of Tupac. It is essential.

[PAUSE]

STUDENT

Yeah.

SMASHCUT: OPENING CREDITS

[TITLE CARD: A WISE MAN]

FADE IN: INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY

PRINCIPAL BARTLET and SHOELESS JOEL are walking rapidly down the hallway.

PRINCIPAL BARTLET

So, are you ready for a good day today?

I think so.

PRINCIPAL BARTLET

Good, we need a good day.

Yes sir.

PRINCIPAL BARTLET

Wars in two countries, the economy in the crapper, an environment deteriorating faster than we can replant. I think we all need a good day. I know our men and women in the field do, at least.

Sir?

PRINCIPAL BARTLET

Yes?

Is there a problem with detention?

[PAUSE]

PRINCIPAL BARTLET

Is it that obvious?

It seemed like there was something.

PRINCIPAL BARTLET

There’s always something. The parents want to eliminate all forms of punishment completely, the teachers want constant round-the-clock hard labor, and the Russians are threatening to boycott if we don’t agree on international standards for detention.

Well, you know what a wise man once said?

PRINCIPAL BARTLET

What’s that?

PRINCIPAL BARTLET

We need more level heads in this world. We need more men like Ziggy.

CUT TO: INT. CLASSROOM

SHOELESS JOEL

Good morning students.

STUDENTS

Good morning Mr. Shoeless.

Today we’re going to talk about what something I find very important. Today we’re going to talk about literature.

STUDENT

Literature?

That’s right. Alvin, what do you think about literature?

ALVIN

Literature?

Literature.

ALVIN

Literature. Gee, I don’t know.

[PAUSE]

[A SLOW MILITARY DRUM ESCALATES DURING THE FOLLOWING MONOLOGUE]

Don’t know? Don’t know? Literature is life, people. Literature is what makes women swoon and what lets man find God. Literature is where the human soul flowers, where our minds escape the quotidian limitations of economics and politics and the petty grievances of life to soar in the heavens. It delves into what makes us want to go on, to what makes life worth living, to what makes beauty matter. It asks hard questions and doesn’t just give us the answers. It opens us to the possibility that what we think and what we feel and how we experience are as relevant as the events themselves. It is what elevates us beyond the rough carnality of our own limitations and propels us towards our potential. It is, Alvin, the motor of meaning and the gateway to understanding our world. It is the story of all of our lives, Alvin. And that includes you.

ALVIN

Huh.

And just so you know. ‘Literature, gee, I don’t know.’ That’s when I decided to flunk you.

CUT TO IRRATIONALLY PEPPY CLOSING CREDITS

CNBen

2009-02-26T07:07:00.003-05:00

I watch CNN's American Morning while I'm eating breakfast. I like a little more news and a little less partisan political commentary that early in the morning, and CNN beats Morning Joe and Fox and Friends in that regard, as far as I can tell.

Anyway, CNN's Ali Velshi was pimping his new book Give Me My Money Back. Which, of course, prompted John Roberts to say, "All right, Give Me My Money Back. And don't forget to give me back my black t-shirt."

Yeah, that's Ben Folds' "Song for the Dumped."

He left out the swears, though.

The world is weird.

Wikipedia, Folks

2009-02-24T22:45:00.002-05:00

I have students who swear wikipedia is the greatest information source on the Internet, and yes there is a lot of good information to be found there. But also, not a legitimate academic source. Why?

Bobby Jindal gave the Republican response to Obama's speech. I don't know much about the guy, so I looked him up on Wikipedia. Unfortunately, I didn't get past the first two lines:

"Piyush "Bobby" Jindal (born June 10, 1971), is the current Governor of the U.S. state of Louisiana. He is also suffering from chronic diarrhea."

Wikipedia, folks.

Oh hi.

2009-02-24T21:10:00.003-05:00

I bet you thought I forgot about you. I bet you thought, "Sure, 11 comments at a time on that last post and he just stops caring about the little people who got him there." I bet you thought I had moved on.

But I can't seem to quit you, blog.

. . .

How's that for a dated Heath Ledger reference? Now on to the real business.

Things have been busy lately. Between chaperoning school dances (my favorite activity, and if you believe that, I've got some mortgages I'd like you to invest in), prepping lessons and grading tests, and setting up our new home theater system, I've been busy. I just haven't had time for the Internet.

Time, in fact, seems to be flying by. I felt old last night (not the first time, but the most recent) when I fell asleep at 9:30.

9:30! When did I turn into a 70-year-old woman?

Still, even with limited time on my hands, things are going well. We got a tax return this year (who knew owning a house--so costly 11 months of the year--could actually bring money back come taxtime), and though we already know where some of it is going (a month without a microwave is a long month indeed) it's still a great bonus. And, as I always like to report, Amelia and I still have jobs, so things remain good for a little longer.

So, asssuming I can get my head above water on the work front this week look for more (and more interesting) updates soon.

Scraps and Pieces

2009-02-07T00:27:00.004-05:00

Fact: Chuck Norris is the second picture when you google image search the word "random."

Proof the Rating System is Broken: Slumdog Millionaire, in which a boy overcomes adversity to try and connect with the love of his life--rated R. Taken--in which Liam Neeson promises to hunt down and murder the people who kidnapped his daughter (and then proceeds to do so)--rated PG13. Seriously people.

Hey Craigs List scammers: Quit emailing me about my entertainment center! I keep getting excited that someone wants to buy it only to be disappointed when you promise to send me a check if I send you all my personal contact information.

A Tale of Two Cities: Slow going to read. Slower going to teach.

New Stereo System: Since the tv and the entertainment center haven't arrived yet, I haven't set it up, so I have a box the size of a midget casket sitting in my front room. Now that's style.

Listen, Winter: If you're going to be this cold randomly, at least have the decency to snow and give me a day off of work! I shouldn't be scraping my windshield when I live 30 miles north of Florida.

Tax Season: I'm afraid. I don't mind taxes being taken out of my paycheck, but I hate having to pay a lump sum in April.

Gakuseitachi: I wish I could inject you with the knowledge, maturity, and judgment that I want you to have. I guess I can't, but man sometimes I wish I knew you as adults so that we could interact on a more real level. Well, at the very least maybe I'm some sort of good influence. I hope so, anyway.

Scott Pilgrim: So funny! And yet random!

Blogging: Probably shouldn't be done at 12:50 a.m., seeing as how I post random information that no one cares about, rather than anything worthwhile. Ah well, better luck next time.

Yesterday: So Stimulating!

2009-02-01T14:46:00.003-05:00

For the economy.

Yesterday was a money-spending extravaganza for us--some of it planned, some not. I finally bit the bullet and bought a new tv. Those of you who have been to my house might be thinking, "But Joel, you have a beautiful 60" Philips HDTV!" Which is true, but not the whole story.

When we bought our house the tv and entertainment center were part of the package. And I am addicted to the extremely huge picture. But there are a few things that bug me about the setup

1) The entertainment center was never quite my style. I liked the storage space, but the look wasn't something I would buy on my own (I'm much more modern). It's not exactly too huge for the space, because the ceiling vaults up, but it never looked quite right to me.

2) The Philips is only 1080i, which may not matter to you, but to a tech nerd like me it's kind of annoying. Also, it's a traditional 4:3 aspect ratio rather than the new standard 16:9. Also, it's very very bulky, and had brightness/crispness issues. Especially since I may buy a blueray player/ps3 in the near future (I know a guy).

3) Sears had a sale. Which meant we could put it on our sears card (no interest) and which meant we could get a $500 surround sound system for free (which we'd also been wanting)

4) It's a valentine's day present to both of us, seeing as how we're movie/tv fans. I can't wait to set it up1

In addition to that purchase which we'd been thinking about for a while (I got a Sony Bravia W series 52", if you were wondering), our iron took the opportunity to break, which meant we got a new one of those as well. Plus we went to dinner (the best pizza) and a movie (Doubt: Thumbs up!) and bought some gifts for some friends. All in all, I think we did our part to bring America out of a recession. So tomorrow I'm expecting a raise, a healthy tax return, and a presidential thank you.

Or at least for neither of us to get laid off. That would work too.

NEWS FLASH!!!

2009-01-18T21:05:00.004-05:00

It's a new day.

We're about to see history. In just a few days, America will step forward in a momentous event for which we've been waiting for what seems like forever. Even just six months ago, it seemed like this day might never come. But now here we are. And if you've followed my blog closely over the years there can be no doubt what is on my mind on this momentous occasion.

I'm talking of course, about the return of Lost.

What? What did you think I was talking about?

Hi, Let Me Haunt Your Nightmares

2009-01-14T22:57:00.000-05:00

Book Report

2009-01-04T15:04:00.003-05:00

So this year I'd like to try and read 52 books. For you non-math wizards out there, that's a book a week. It's a little ambitious--I'm a quick reader, but not a fast reader, if that makes any sense--that's a lot more agressive than my goal for last year.

At the beginning of 2008 I made a goal to read 25 books, including repeats, but when I finished that goal sometime around July, I revised the goal to be 52 with no repeats. I didn't quite make it, but here's what I did read this year. Numbered books are books I either hadn't read before or had read so long I ago I had no memory of them. The dates are the date I finished the book. My top five for the year are bolded. It was hard to choose just five, though, especially since two of my all-time favorites were on this list (The Great Gatsby and One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest). So I guess it's my five favorite books that I hadn't read before 2008.

1. Ethan Frome (1/21/08)
2. The Kite Runner (1/26/08)
3. A Raisin in the Sun (2/8/08)
Pride and Prejudice (2/8/08)
Shutter Island (2/15/08)
Their Eyes Were Watching God (3/2/08)
4. The Old Man and the Sea (3/16/08)
5. The Poe Shadow (3/24/08)
Frankenstein (3/24/08)
The Great Gatsby (4/14/08)
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (4/15/08)
1984 (5/5/08)
6. I Love You, Beth Cooper (5/13/08)
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (5/16/08)
7. Give a Boy a Gun (5/18/08)
8. Winter's Tale (6/04/08)
9. The Big Over Easy (6/8/08)
10. Then We Came to the End (6/15/08)
11. Jane Eyre (6/24/08)
12. Spook (7/2/08)
13. The Eyre Affair (7/9/08)
14. Paddy Clarke Ha Ha Ha (7/16/08)
15. Haroun of the Sea of Stories (7/20/08)
16. Oscar Wilde and a Death of No Importance (7/24/08)
17. HeartSick (7/26/08)
18. Anansi Boys (8/2/08)
19. The Price of Privilege (8/16/08)
20. Angela's Ashes (8/18/08)
21. Jimmy Corrigan: The Smartest Kid on Earth (8/21/08)
22. A Clockwork Orange (8/23/08)
23. Native Son (8/28/08)
24. The Suspicions of Mr. Whicher (9/1/08)
25. The Fourth Bear (9/7/08)
26. Slaughterhouse Five (9/11/08)
27. As I Lay Dying (9/15/08)
28. The Color Purple (9/17/08)
29. Wise Blood (9/20/08)
30. The Bell Jar (9/28/08)
31. King Arthur & His Knights of the Round Table (10/3/08)
32. For Whom the Bell Tolls (10/13/08)
33. Maggie: A Girl of the Streets (10/14/08)
34. In the Woods (10/21/08)
35. The Heart Is a Lonely Hunter (10/27/08)
36. The Graveyard Book (10/31/08)
37. The Savior (11/3/08)
38. A Game of Thrones (11/27/08)
39. And Then There Were None (11/30/08)
40. The Book Thief (12/13/08)
41. Alive in Necropolis (12/27/08)
42. Siddhartha (12/30/08)

If I count repeats I got 50 books, which isn't bad. The problem is some things really slow me down. A Game of Thrones, for example, I LOVED, but it was 700 pages of very dense print. It basically took most of November to read. A few others really slowed me down as well.

I don't know if this will be the year I make the goal or not, but it is really fun pushing myself. As much as I love reading, it's easy to get distracted by movies, tv, video games, and this blessed curse: the Internet. As always I'm up for recommendations, but for now I have to get back to reading.

Happy New Year!

2009-01-01T20:53:00.004-05:00

Welcome to 2009!

I can't say the year is off to a perfect start, what with Penn State losing in the Rose Bowl, but they fought back hard after a bad first half, so I'll count it as a success.

2008 wasn't a bad year, as far as years go. We maintained the status quo, basically, but it the status quo isn't too bad, so that's good news.

My first post last year included some goals. Here now, a look back:

Drop a size in clothing, both shirts and pants

Sadly, didn't happen. However, I do begin this year almost 20 pounds less than I began last year, so I'm going to count this as a success. I know I still have a long way to go. My goal this year is to drop about 30 pounds, which should help the clothing size thing happen.

Write a significant portion of a draft of a novel and send to at least 3 people for feedback

Another incomplete. The good news? I did write about 85-90 pages of a draft before hitting some writers block. I recently figured out what I needed to do, though, to make the book's central conceit work, so I'm feeling optimistic. I've got some modifications on this goal for 09, which I'll discuss below.

Finish painting all rooms in the house

Yep, another one that's technically incomplete but that I'm going to count as a success. We finally did the guest bathroom before Christmas, which means the only rooms we haven't painted are the laundry room (which we never planned to paint anyway) and the converted garage. We're still figuring out what we want to do with that room, however, and until we do it's sort of an all-purpose storage room, so I'm not too worried about not having painted it.

Pave a section of the back yard for BBQ-ing

Not even close on this one. We did buy a barbeque, if that's anything, but our back yard is still a terrible, ugly mess.

Stick to the budget

Hmm, this is the problem with setting goals that aren't quite measurable. We did good overall, but there are still some places we don't do well--namely, groceries and eating out. We spend entirely too much in these areas.

Blog regularly

88 posts in 2008. I'd call that regular.

Many of my goals for 2009 are related to or variations on 2008's. Is that step by step progress or is that a sign of stagnation? I'm going to go with the former.

2009 Goals:

Lose 34 pounds
Finish the draft of my book (and show it to a few people)
Give the garage a purpose
Call each of my siblings about once a month
Double the savings account
Read 52 books that I haven't read before
Start some teaching blogs--both for my classes and for educational thoughts

I'm sure there'll be some more goals as the year progresses, but that's it for now. As part of my "write more and start some working blogs" goals, I'll probably be blogging here a little less, which is ok since I haven't had much to write lately anyway. I'm still planning on updating at least every two weeks, or when I have something incredibly clever to say (which is ALL THE TIME). So we'll see how that goes.

At any rate, that's what's on my plate for 2009. Wish me luck!

Agree with the Truth!

2008-12-28T17:21:00.002-05:00

Thanks to Beth/Tim and my parents for coming to visit us over Christmas. We had a great time, and I hope you guys did too.

My parents taught me an important principle that they teach in their marriage and family class, which is that during arguments it's important to agree with the truth. Amelia and I decided that we needed to put that into command form, and whoever says it first wins the argument. We'll see how that works out for us.

It also reminded me of this website, which I found while searching for someplace to buy "ninja gear" and a "full tang." (I'm really not sure what that is.) Also, it begs the question, what is a true sword? And what is a false sword? And how do you know the difference?

I'm guessing it has something to do with whether or not the sword makes people bleed. Agree with that, why don't you!

400 Posts!

2008-12-18T23:07:00.003-05:00

To celebrate 400 posts, here are a sampling of images found when searching for "400" that I think sum up the occasion pretty well.

In other news, I thought I broke my fingertip today. When sliding a new roller to the roller handle, don't get your finger stuck in between the two while slamming it onto the wire core. It's like slamming your finger in a car door, but it doesn't come out as easily.

On a related note, I painted the bathroom today. Now that's how you start a Christmas break!

I haven't had much blog inspiration lately. Here's hoping that this vacation kickstarts my brain a little bit.

Kuh-kuh-kuh Christmas

2008-12-10T21:16:00.002-05:00

I almost didn't do it this year. Almost every year I make a Christmas mix cd, in part because I'm ridiculous, but mostly just because I love this whole dang season and only by finding something new and interesting to listen to can I justify playing holiday music for so long. Amelia is kind; she puts up with it, and I think she's even started to look forward to it.

Anyway, last year I sent out the CD to family and a handful of people in lieu of Christmas cards. It was mildly successful; I had at least one request to get this year's version, but I thought, "Nah, who has time for a playlist right now?"

Turns out I do.

I'm happy to make copies for anyone who requests, though I wouldn't mind if you paypal'd me a buck or two to cover shipping and cd costs. I'll send you a cd either way, but if you want to contribute, I wouldn't complain. Either way, if you want me to send you something, email your address. My email address is my first initial, last name@yahoo.com. or first name dot last name @gmail.com. And if that doesn't help, do I really know you? You can still leave your email address or real address in comments and I'll get back to you.

Or, if you don't want me to send you a cd (with personalized message!), you can make your own playlist on iTunes. Anyway, here's this year's mix. I call it "A Beginner's Guide to Christmas":

1. Ding Dong, Merrily on High - Chanticleer. Gotta start things out traditional--and by traditional, I mean acapella arrangements that could be straight out of the nineteenth century.

2. Go Tell It on the Mountain - New Orleans St. Peter's Gospel Choir. This is still traditional, but there's nothing like a little gospel music to get you in the Christmas spirit.

3. O Come All Ye Faithful/O Holy Night -Trans Siberian Orchestra. In honor of our concert experience a few weeks ago. Also, when the electric guitar starts, you know things are about to get crazy.

4. Santa Claus Is Comin' to Town - Bruce Springsteen. Bruuuuuuuuuuce! Christmas rock either works or it doesn't work, but here's the thing: Bruce Springsteen ALWAYS works.

5. Run Rudolph Run - Keith Richards. I hadn't heard this one before, but it's pretty good. It's late 70s Keith Richard, before he became a walking corpse, so it's pretty rollicking. This is the song playing in the background when you spike the eggnog.

6. Christmas in Hollis - Run DMC. I know! I've made probably five or six of these mixes in the past few years, how did I go so long without this little number? I don't know either, but I've rectified the oversight.

7. Christmas Baby - G. Love. Is Special Sauce on this song? I don't know, but it's got that classic G. Love sound that I like so much. He exudes hipness here, just like he does elsewhere.

8. Gary - MC Lars. What? A second Christmas rap? That's right! This tale of Rudolph's half-brother is destined to be, if not a classic, at least the only Christmas song you play this year that talks about 9/11.

9. Donna and Blitzen - Badly Drawn Boy. From the About a Boy soundtrack. This one was an Amelia request, and I have to admit she's right. It's a pretty good song.

10. 2000 Miles - Pretenders. Listen, I like her just fine, but were you expecting Chrissy Hynde to make a solid Christmas song? I wasn't really. This was a pleasant surprise.

11. Someday at Christmas - Jack Johnson. Yeah, it pretty much sounds like every Jack Johnson song ever, but it's still pretty enjoyable. A nice mellow complement to the Pretenders.

12. All That I Want - The Weepies. I'm pretty sure this was on a Gap commercial or something. But I still kind of like it.

13. Christmas Wrapping - The Waitresses. I kind of wish this song was a little shorter, but it's still a good "background music during the white elephant gift exchange" type of song.

14. Carol of the Bells - The Bird and the Bee. A friend recommended this version of "Carol of the Bells," and I have to admit it took a little time to grow on me, but now I can't get enough. Dark and funky.

15. Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas - Sarah McLachlan. I think it's some kind of rule that "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" has to be somewhere at the end of any holiday mix worth it's salt. It's the perfect fire-burning-down-to-embers type of song.

16. Wonderful Christmas - Tom McRae. Right after I finished last year's Christmas mix I heard this song for the first time and immediately opeend a new playlist called "Do Not Open Until Christmas 2008" because I knew this had to be the closer. So slow and mournful and just soft. I can't hear it enough.

Anyway, there you go. Modify it, laugh at it, whatever you want. But that's what's going to be played in my house this year. And yours too, if you want.

Up on the Housetop

2008-12-05T16:41:00.004-05:00

My recent bout with food poisoning came mid-christmas-light-hanging, which means that for four days we had one string of lights on our house. They stopped halfway up the peak of the roof. It was classy.

However, yesterday I finally got the ladder back out and crawled around on my roof. This was impressive for a number of reasons, the most notable being that I am mildly acrophobic (that's fear of heights, not fear of acrobats, and should not be confused with anablephobia--fear of looking up--or illyngophobia--the fear of vertigo).

It looks pretty good. I'd post a picture, but I haven't taken any, and I'm really comfortable on the couch right now.

Still, it's fun to be getting ready for Christmas again. It really is the most wonderful time of the year. Christmas break (8 more school days!), advent calendar (this year is my year, so behind all the little doors is something for me), Christmas music (usually I make a Christmas mix cd, but I haven't yet this year), etc. I love it. It's hard to be grumpy in December. Unless you have heortophobia. That's a fear of holidays.

"He's Sick. I Think He's Dying."

2008-11-29T11:05:00.003-05:00

2 points if you can name the movie today's title comes from.

I have food posoning.

I don't have the energy to write much today, but if you've ever had food poisoning before, my heart goes out to you. Without being too graphic, let's just say I spent most of the night in the bathroom.

I feel so drained right now, it's not even funny.

Also, I have a lot of grading, preparing, and house work to do, and I'm not sure what's going to happen with all that.

Bleah.

Happy Thanksgiving Everybody

2008-11-27T09:38:00.003-05:00

Ten Things I'm Thankful For, in No Particular Order:

1. Clam Dip: As a kid I couldn't understand why Aunt Susan only fixed this at the holidays. Now it means Thanksgiving and Christmas to me, and I don't fix it any other time either.

2. Still having jobs: Obvious? It was touch and go for a while there with Amelia's job (still is, really--the hospitality industry takes a big dive during a bad economy), and of course my contract is year to year, and I'm the most junior English teacher. We feel pretty lucky.

3. The New Xbox Live set-up: Streaming Netflix movies, downloading games to the hard drive, easy navigation. It's made my xbox a whole new entertainment center.

4. Finn: This dog cracks me up and just plan makes me happy. He loves attention, and he has abour five times the energy I do, but he's awesome.

5. Shoddy workmanship: We're doing some minor remodeling work on the guest bathroom this weekend. The hardest job was going to be getting the liquid nails of the wall for the bathroom mirror. But it turns out there is no liquid nail on the bathroom mirror. It's just held in place by four little brackets and will take about 10 seconds to remove. Sometimes shortcuts work in my favor.

6. The family: I hope this one goes without saying, but my parents, siblings, in-laws, and nieces/nephews are all pretty incredible. We don't see them enough, but there's nothing better than those times when we can get together. It's looking like we'll have some Christmas visitors this year, and I can't wait.

7. The Internet: Do I waste far more time than I should? Yes. Do I love it? Absolutely.

8. The House: At times I wonder why we bought it. The back yard is still a mess, remodeling and repairing costs far too much money, and I'm not sure if the economy will be good enough for us to sell it in a few years when we want to move. But I love having some place that is ours, that we can do with what we want, and that really and truly feels like home.

9. Podcasts: It's basically my job to do the grocery shopping in our family, and even when it takes me a while, I rarely mind it because I spend that time listening to podcasts. Political podcasts, comedy podcasts, video game podcasts, news podcasts...who knew the 21st century equivalent of talk radio would be my favorite part of having an iPod?

10. Amelia: My life would be empty without her. By far the best thing that's ever happened to me. I'm thankful for her every day.

Hope your holiday is filled with good food and good memories.

Mo' Money, Mo' Opportunities

2008-11-21T23:05:00.003-05:00

I hope you didn't miss my guide to surviving the economic downturn below. I must admit, it's good advice.

But if you do have a little extra money for a good cause, check out the button on the right. My friend Judy has a pretty impressive goal to build a water project in a third world country every year. Donations are tax deductible, and even just a few dollars helps.

Click the sidebar button for a little more information.

A Guide to the Economic Downturn

2008-11-21T08:01:00.004-05:00

So if you've turned on the news lately or lost your job, you may have heard that the economy is not only dying, but actually already dead and stalking us with it's crazed, zombified thirst for foreclosures and brains. "In these tough economic times," you may be wondering, "what can I do to protect my family, my life, and my stock portfolio?"

Don't worry. I've got answers.

Number One: Guns. If you've read Cormac McCarthy's 2009 economic forecast The Road, you know that sometime next year the American wasteland will be filled with roving bands of flesh-eating bandits and psychopaths. You could join the uprising, but if you'd rather eat your own carefully cultivated food storage instead of children, guns are your best bet. I don't actually know anything about guns, but I'm guessing that bigger is better, so see if you can find something like this:

Number Two: Gold. There are some things in life that will always have value: the words of Shakespeare, the art of Michelangelo, the timeless and witty nicknames G.W. Bush bestowed on his friends (Brownie! Condie! Cheney!). Oh yeah, and 100% all-American bling. Sure, you may think you don't have the resources right now to invest in much gold--you couldn't sell your house for a couple of gold bricks right now even if you wanted to. But the good news is huge amounts of gold are available right now, and the only think you need to get them is a shovel and a pickaxe.

That's right, careers are now available in the exciting field of mining and prospecting! Get rich the way your forefathers did, with a strainer and the willpower to sift through mountain run-off. That doesn't suit your fancy? There are still plenty of openings in fast growing fields of: conflict diamond fencing and drug smuggling. The future is now!

Number Three:Vampires. So you don't like riding or being a mule, and shooting people makes your arm sore? Why not become a vampire? Think about it! Housing costs become a thing of the past when you sleep in the ground. Can't afford the heating bill this winter? As a vampire, you won't feel the cold, the heat, or anything else. You'll be at an advantage in the job market for your willingness to take higher paying but less desireable night careers, and let's not forget the biggest advantage: Watch those grocery and restaurant bills drop to nothing while you feast on the blood of your neighbors! It's a win-win all around, except for those you kill in your bloodlust. But you won't feel guilt, because you'll have no soul!

I hope these tips have been useful. Look for my next essay coming soon: "Sleeping Your Way to Security: A Guide to Becoming Arm Candy in a World Starved for Sweetness." And look for my new book The MacGuyver Rule: Surviving the New Depression with Bubblegum and a Piece of String. In bookstores this Christmas!

Of Trolls and Talking

2008-11-18T13:29:00.003-05:00

I just finished reading this New York Times article about trolling on the Internet. The whole thing is fascinating, but I was especially taken by the philosophical implications of Postel’s Law: “Be conservative in what you do; be liberal in what you accept from others.” (Don't worry, it's not another politics post! :)

Postel's was speaking in terms of computer programming. If you want computers or programs to speak to one another, then your program has to both be precise in expression and be broad in the expressions it can accept/recognize/respond to.

Surely there is truth to that in our interactions as well. I see that as a teacher every day, for example. If I want students to succeed, the clearer I am with my directions the better the assignments I'll get in return. That's hard at times when the assignment I give calls for free thinking, but the more clear I make my expectations, the more students rise to the occasion.

Similarly, when moderating student behavior, I think some amount of liberality is required. I can crack down on every single law, but I think exploring and responding to other forms of expression can be useful--especially for teenagers who are both exploring their identity and testing boundaries. Not everything has to be a fight. I don't have to take every student expression of dislike for reading as a personal insult. That's not to say I believe in throwing out the rule book and having us all sit in a circle and sing "Koombayah" when we're supposed to be analyzing poems, but it does mean that finding ways to encourage interaction--even when students answer a question in a flatly wrong way--tends to open more communication lines rather than shutting them down.

Am I making sense? I'm not sure.

Anyway, the NYT article is a pretty interesting look at the dark side of Internet communities--trolls who think it is their job to test boundaries or push buttons. I think it's worth a read.

Christmas RAWKS!

2008-11-13T19:57:00.003-05:00

So one of Amelia's coworkers showed up at the office the other day and offered some free tickets of awesome: 2nd row side seats to Trans Siberian Orchestra.

Are you familiar with this group? I'd heard the name, but that's it.

Let me tell you, it was surreal. Imagine Laser Zeppelin crossed with It's a Wonderful Life crossed with 80s band Skid Row.

Here's what happened:

Joel: "Well, here we are!"
Amelia: "Crazy arena. The NCAA tourney is here in 2010. Let's go!"
Joel: "OK!"

Joel: "Hey, look at that!"

Joel: "That's quite a stage there!"

Amelia: ". . ."

Joel: "What the--. Who is that? Are those the Trans Siberians?"

Joel: "It's starting! Whooo! Slayer!"

Neon! (The good news: Later they told us in song that "the neon was calling" so it all made sense)

Um, what's going on above the stage there?

Oh, it's musicians coming from the sky!

There's a spoken word component to this shindig? Awright!

Jean Valjean? Is this Les Miserable now?

Is that O Holy Night they're playing? You know what that means: Guitar Solo!

Look. Snow! (Snow? Or snow machine cold water or something)

Holy cymbals batman! It's a drum set to make Nick Andopolis proud.

Wait, it's a little blurry. Is that . . .

Yep. They gave the mic to a homeless guy. Either that or this show INCLUDES COSTUMES!

That's about it. We left not long after the homeless guy sang. I'm guessing there was only a song or two left, but we didn't want to deal with the crowds. Not pictured highlights: matching Christmas shirts for the couple in front of us, the guy next to us SERIOUSLY rocking out, dragon and wizard concert t-shirts, and a spinning keyboard. Thank you for a wife with a highly developed sense of irony.

Needless to say, it was a magical evening.

January Cannot Come Soon Enough

2008-11-07T23:04:00.003-05:00

LOST Season Five Official Trailer #1 - Funny video clips are a click away

Essays Out the Wazoo

2008-11-07T12:38:00.004-05:00

What is wrong with me? Why do I keep assigning essays? I don't mind writing essays, if I have something to say, but you know what I don't like? Grading essays.

I have a stack of essays today from Sophomores. I still have half a stack of Junior essays. And those junior essays have another essay due in a week.

At this rate I'm going to be grading until well into Christmas.

And yet, it's all I can do not to play on the Interwebs or read my book. I even want to work on lesson plans. Why? Because ANYTHING is better than essay grading. Fellow teachers, am I right here? Or am I just a terrible teacher?

Wait. Maybe you shouldn't answer that after all.

The Song Goes On

2008-11-06T22:38:00.003-05:00

In my excitement over Obama's election, I was also profoundly disappointed in the outcome of California's Prop 8 vote. I would be dishonest if I did not say that I believe it, and my Church's involvement in its passing, are mistakes that I pray will be rectified in time. My feelings on homosexuality have changed and evolved over the course of my life, due in large part to my interaction with close friends who are gay. I'm sad for them today. I know that many readers will feel differently, and I'm happy to discuss my feelings via email. I'm not looking to start a flame war, just feeling a need to express my feelings, and that's one of the purposes of this blog. My concerns are my own, and I don't ask you to share or agree with them.

In better news, I laid the smack down in study hall today. For the most part, I think I'm pretty laid back as a teacher. I don't give detentions or other punishments unless pushed (or unless I'm having a really bad day), I don't get riled up particularly easily, and student's don't typically phase me. I figure, they're teenagers; stupidity comes with the program.

But since I keep hearing reports about students who have told me they are going to work on the computers instead wandering the halls, I decided enough was enough. I set some new ground rules--basically, once you're in study hall, you stay there, unless you have a note to excuse you. Bring your books; you're not going to your locker. If you want to use a computer you'd better have a note from a teacher explaining that you do have an assignment due. And tardies to study hall matter.

I got some attitude, of course--kids like to push the limits and see just how much they can get away with. It'll take some time to get things going in the new rhythm, but once they do I think it'll be good.

Still, there is a distinct pleasure to be had in reminding students just who is in charge. Especially if you can do it with a smile on your face and a level voice.

Other than that, life proceeds as normal. My nerd index is reaching an all time high. I actually am playing a role playing game on my xbox, I am reading a fantasy novel, and I just bought a Nintendo DS, on which I play riddle and puzzle games. All I need to do is get a Star Trek uniform and I could be crowned King of the Nerdlings. Or at least court jester.

Posts on all these things may be coming soon (I've learned from sad experience that it is the nature of me, once I have a blog idea, as I suppose, to immediately make promises and raise expectations, even though I am poor at following up. Hence many posts are announced, but few are written), as, I hope, will a post on what may be the most important thing to change on Nov. 4th: CNN HAS HOLOGRAMS!

Historic

2008-11-05T06:06:00.004-05:00

Thanks to Christian for coming to join us in watching, waiting, and celebrating. McCain's concession speech was gentlemanly and classy. And if you haven't heard or read Obama's acceptance speech, do so. For me it was inspiring and another call for unity. I'm not so naive, despite what I know some readers may think, to believe that everything Barack Obama wants is what's best for this country or to believe that he'll get everything done he wants, but his vision for America still excites me and inspires me. It feels like a new day.

However you voted, this is a historic election. I wouldn't have thought 15 years ago--or even 5 years ago--that an African American could become president at this point in our country's history--just a few years removed from Rodney King, and OJ, and Katrina. Incredible. This year I was a part of history.

Happy Halloween

2008-10-31T21:22:00.005-04:00

Who has two thumbs and won first Place in the Faculty Halloween contest? This guy.

I think it was my costume description that won it for me.

"Some people call me that guy from Metallica. Some people call me Kid Rock's less successful brother. You can just call me awesome."

The crowd went wild.

It was either that or the tattoo sleeves going up my arms.

Besides an ego boost, I won $20. So all in all not a bad Halloween.

I Voted So P. Diddy Won't Kill Me

2008-10-29T06:48:00.003-04:00

I voted yesterday (I know the sticker says today. I meant to post this yesterday--use your imagination)! That was pretty fun. Astute readers of the blog are probably already aware how I voted in the big race, but you might be surprised to know how frequently I voted Republican in the other races. "But Joel," you say, "You seem to be liberal, perhaps even a socialist or some kind of hippie!" Well, I am a democrat, but it turns out in most of the races I voted on yesterday there was only one republican running unopposed. It was weird. It was so overwhelmingly Republican with no other options, in fact, that I even wrote in a candidate for sheriff.

It kind of made me want to run for office just to give people a choice.

We made it in just under the wire for the early voting. I think on Nov. 4 if you're in line at 7:00 when the polls close (that's when they close here, anyway) you can vote. But at the little firehouse I was at they pulled everyone inside and locked the doors at 5:00. I guess poll workers don't want to work overtime. Understandable.

Anyway, it felt good, and I hope you vote too, even if we're not voting for the same guy.

Also, yesterday I bought two new pairs of shoes for work. I hate buying shoes normally, but I noticed at work that my brown Vans (my usual teaching shoe) had developed a giant hole in the side. In fact, that's part of why I hate buying shoes. I wear them out quickly enough and once I put on a pair of shoes I don't think about them again anyway (unlike my tie, or my shirt, or a coat), so it's a big hassle to me--which contrasts with my wife, who would buy shoes as a full time job, if such a job existed. Anyway, I found two pair that I liked and were comfortable, and the shoe store was having a sale, so I bit. Here's hoping I don't have to buy shoes again for at least a year.

Also, Georgia finally started to cool down! It's still getting up to 70 in the daytime, but the nights are downright chilly--39 degrees! I must have acclimated, because I have been freezing when walking the dog in the morning. I think this means I've officially been in Georgia too long.

Lost Weekend

2008-10-18T11:04:00.004-04:00

I guess I could just as easily say "last weekend" but after the car trials (grand total over $500, including a new timing belt) and the disheartening day I had at work yesterday, last weekend seems both distant and perfect. It was good.

We ate every meal outside.

We listened to this guy (maybe Kenny Rogers).

We explored the sights.

We went to Ripley's Believe It or Not Museum.

I couldn't believe it.

Anyway, vacations are important. And now I'm ready for my next one.

A Little Distraction

2008-10-16T19:45:00.001-04:00

I'm still working on a St. Augustine post (and by working on, I mean putting off), but for now, watch this. It's worth it.

A Quick Note on the Final Debate

2008-10-15T22:04:00.003-04:00

Hey both of you! Shut up about Joe Sixpack, Joe the Plumber, and Joe Anybody--except Joe Biden, and then only if there's a reason to talk about him! America isn't all one blue collar everyman! We're smarter than that individually and collectively, and frankly, it just sounds stupid. If we as a nation are best represented by a group of people who are best known for charging exorbitant prices and being unable to keep their pants up then we, as a nation, are screwed.

That is all.

I Hate Money

2008-10-14T10:02:00.003-04:00

Thursday night, 11:15 pm: After talking about our need to take a vacation for several weeks, I bite the bullet and book a hotel room in St. Augustine. It's online, so it's nonrefundable. But it's just for two days from now. What could go wrong?

Friday morning: 7:55 am: Amelia's car dies completely on the side of the road. First estimate at the dealership is $180 to fix. Gulp. But doable.

Weekend: Great times. Pictures coming soon. Of course eating out Saturday to Monday is a little pricey, but that's ok, right? It was either go or just lose the $250 we'd plunked down on a hotel room.

This morning at 10:00 am: The auto shop calls. Another problem discovered once the first problem was solved. New Total: $412

Not good, doods. I'm starting to feel like angry Darth Vader:

Eagle Eye-yi-yi

2008-10-08T18:44:00.002-04:00

Amelia and I decided to forgo the debate last night. I know whose policies and worldview I prefer overall, and I was just feeling a little burned out politically. Plus, I figured if something huge happened (like, if Obama had said, "I know where Bin Laden is; he's chillin' in my poolhouse." Or if McCain had said, "My friends, the only way out of this economic crisis is by sacrificing a live goat. I know, because I know how to win wars.") then it would be replayed endlessly on the news. So I took a chance, and by all accounts it was the right choice.

Instead, we decided to go out on a date. We went to dinner (we'd been fasting, so it was extra delicious) and then went to see "Eagle Eye." For a popcorn film, it was fine. Fun, fast paced, utterly preposterous--the usual.

In a lot of ways the movie reminded me of a Rube Goldberg contraption: silly, over-the-top, a predictable ending, much more complicated than it needs to be, and ultimately pointless, but still fun to watch unfold. In terms of acting, Shia Labeouf plays himself again, but he's still likeable, and Billy Bob Thornton does his best "Tommy Lee Jones in the Fugitive" impression. I can't remember the lead girl's name, but she was fine too.

My main complaint was simply that director DJ Caruso (David's younger brother?) doesn't know how to film (or edit) action sequences. During some of the car chase scenes I would think the chase car or the main car crashed, then suddenly it would be moving again. Fast blurry cuts does not a Bourne Ultimatum awesome car chase make.

Still, it's throwaway fun. If you have an evening and $20 to kill and aren't expecting anything amazing, it's an enjoyable little film.

The real fun was just taking a night off from responsibility and going out on the town. We don't have kids, but we do have responsibilities, and sometimes dates become rote. Last night was a fun way to shake up the usual schedule.

Think About It, Fellow Nerds

2008-10-06T12:56:00.003-04:00

Veep Your Head Up

2008-10-03T08:03:00.004-04:00

[politics]I watched the VP debates last night. I really enjoyed it. Palin turned on her folksy charm, doggonit, and proved a bit more capable than she has been in any interviews. She blames the filter of the media. I credit some solid preparation.

That said, last night I became a big believer in Joe Biden. Palin's main appeal, "I'm just one of you," is no doubt effective to a lot of people, including many readers of this blog. And that's no problem. But I WANT an executive who knows more than me. I WANT an executive who has more experience, more expertise, and yes, more eloquence (when did speaking well become a bad thing?). While Palin stayed on her talking points--even to the point of saying she wouldn't answer questions she didn't want to--Biden was inspiring, direct, and well-informed. He called McCain out on his "I'm a maverick" line (maybe 8 years ago, but not since Bush took office). He called out Palin's "I'm a parent so I understand" line (she doesn't have the market on parenthood). He pointed to real policy and plans of Obama, and even was prepared to answer the question that neither primary candidate was able to answer last week regarding what might need to be cut to fund this massive bailout. While Palin claimed that Democrats keep looking at the past, I have to say I don't understand that argument from a campaign that's running on the idea that they're going to "shake things up in Washington." How can you shake things up if you refuse to look at what's worked and hasn't worked? I agree with Biden: "The past is prologue," and you have to understand the mistakes of the past (many of which McCain wants to continue) in order to fix the future.

I appreciated that BOTH candidates came out strongly in favor of aid to Darfur. I agree that the US can and should intervene more than they are.

Credit to Sarah Palin where it's due: she said something I haven't heard many of the candidates saying about this economic meltdown. A big part of the problem here was deregulation of Wall Street and risky financial policies from institutions that should have known better. But the American people aren't guiltless here either. Too many people got involved in home loans that they shouldn't have--loans they knew they couldn't pay back. When Amelia and I took out a loan to buy our house, we approached it very carefully. We could have been approved for loans nearly double the size of what we actually took out, but we knew that the monthly payment would be problematic if we did so. So we didn't do it. Same with credit purchases. We've made two big purchases in the last few months that we're still paying off: the new refrigerator and a laptop. Both are on 0% interest credit cards, and because we're paying them off, we have put off some other purchases we'd like to make. Responsible finances seems to have gone away in America, where credit is (or at least has been) so easy to come by. These problems originated in Wall Street AND Main Street, but I hate that now I have to pay for those (rich and poor alike) who weren't as responsible as I've been.

That said, Biden killed it last night. I have no doubt that should anything happen to President Obama that he could step into those shoes smoothly, adroitly, and commandingly. For all her folksy charm (and that ridiculously nasal voice--and yes that's personal, but man it's grating), I didn't see anything like that from Palin. Biden was gracious, informed, strong, and likable, even while shutting down traditional McCain talking points (Obama's plan DOES cut taxes for 95% of Americans, his health care plan is NOT socialized medicine, his plan in Iraq is NOT surrender, but shifting power back to the people who the country actually belongs to, etc.)

All that said, however, I don't think this VP debate will really have much of an effect on the polls. In the end, I think most people will and should vote for the party's main candidate--but I'm very pleased with how it went.

Oh man, I'm getting politicked out. Look for more dumb jokes and student gaffes soon. [/politics]

Hello, Jerry. Goodbye, Newman.

2008-09-27T13:15:00.004-04:00

Bad news, folks. Paul Newman died yesterday.

I have to admit, there's a lot of Newman classics that I haven't seen. I still haven't watched The Sting, or The Color of Money, or even Cat on a Hot Tin Roof. I've seen Road to Perdition and Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid and a few others, but really, it doesn't matter. Paul Newman to me equals one thing.

Cool Hand Luke.

I first saw this in college with my buddies Zimm and Johnny and the Docta (none of whom seem to really post much anymore) and I don't know about those guys, but for me this movie helped define what cool really is. The eggs, the box, the failure to communicate. And through it all Paul Newman's little grins and intense eyes and just general bad assery. It was all so good.

All that, and the man made salad dressing too.

I don't know what his last minutes were like, but I like to figure it was something like this:

"He was smiling... That's right. You know, that, that Luke smile of his. He had it on his face right to the very end. Hell, if they didn't know it 'fore, they could tell right then that they weren't a-gonna beat him. That old Luke smile. Oh, Luke. He was some boy. Cool Hand Luke. Hell, he's a natural-born world-shaker."

Saying good-bye here, boss.

One Handsome Devil

2008-09-23T19:13:00.005-04:00

All right, this is silly, but fun--even more so when you have a webcam and can take pictures with ridiculous faces. Check out Yearbook Yourself to make your own
.

I'm So-oo-oo Tired

2008-09-20T22:28:00.005-04:00

That's a Beatle's song, you know. The White Album. Ever heard of it? Check it out. John knew a little something about needing to be in bed.

4 a.m. wakeup call this morning for a stake temple trip. It was a nice bonding experience and all, but I don't think I'll be doing that again. We were in the part of the bus where the AC wasn't working, there were several LOUD TALKERS and interesting old folks smells and an insistance on playing church dvds on the way down.

Still, it was worthwhile. I read a book (anybody reading my bookshelf reviews?), watched part of a movie, did a little (very little) bit of sleeping. . . . And it was great to see Amelia's college roommate Emily for lunch at P.F. Chang's. So tasty! So the trip wasn't all bad. I'm just exhausted today.

One other thing I'm soo-oo-oo tired about? Campaign commercials. I'm so over them. In fact, for the most part I'm ready for the whole election season to be over. Two years of campaigning by the two major players is just a bit too much.

By the way (and on an unrelated note), I'm loving the blog updates widget that blogger has now. Keeps things organized but without a list of a million sprawling down the page. If you're a reader of the blog and a friend and you want your blog on the widget, just say the word! I know I don't have everyone on there.

Good News! The World Didn't End!

2008-09-11T20:51:00.005-04:00

Thank you, Large Hadron Collider, for not sucking us into a black hole! (At least this time . . .cue scary music).

I'm trying to figure out what would be a worse way for the world to end: zombie takeover, robot uprising, or destroying the space-time continuum.

Here are my findings so far.

1) Clearly robots are worse than zombies. Robots are stronger than us, zombies are weaker. Robots are intelligent, zombies are mostly walking stomach. Robots have no pity or compassion, zombies can be killed with a shovel to the head.

2) On the other hand, rust, short extension cords, and the fact that we haven't invented true A.I. yet could hamper the robot revolution, and zombieism increases exponentially, so it could be a wash.

3) Whether or not paradoxes can actually destroy the universe is still theoretical (Evidence? Universe not yet destroyed.)

4) Still, at least we have a fighting chance against the robots and the zombies. How do you fight back against an imploding universe?

5) No matter what challenge we face, I'm pretty sure we can win if we put Ben Affleck, Will Smith, Jake Gyllenhall, and a ragtag band of working class misfits in a rocket and fire them into space.

What do you think?

The Gospel According to Kilgore Trout

2008-09-10T09:30:00.002-04:00

"It was The Gospel from Outer Space, by Kilgore Trout. It was about a visitor from outer space, shaped very much like a Tralfamadorian by the way. The visitor from out space made a very serious study of Christianity to learn, if he could, why Christians found it so easy to be cruel. He concluded that at least part of the trouple was slipshod storytelling in the New Testament. He supposed that the intent of the gospel was to teach people, among other things, to be merciful, even to the lowest of the low.
But the gospels actually taught this:
Before you kill somedbody, make absolutely sure he isn't well connected. So it goes.

The flaw in the Christ stories, said the visitor from outer space, was that Christ, who didn't look like much, was actually the Son of the Most Powerful Being in the Universe. Readers understood that, so, when they came to the crucifixion, they naturally thought . . .
Oh boy--they sure picked the wrong guy to lynch that time!
And that thought had a brother: "There are right people to lynch." Who? People not well connected. So it goes.

The visitor from outer space made a gift to Earth of a new Gospel. In it, Jesus really was a nobody, and a pain in the neck to a lot of people with better connections than he had. He still got to say all the lovely and puzzling things he said in the other Gospels.
So the people amused themselves one day by nailing him to a cross and planting the cross in the ground. There couldn't possibly be any repercussions, the lynchers thought. The reader would have to think that, too, since the new Gospel hammered home again and again what a nobody Jesus was.
And then, just before the nobody died, the heavens opened up, and there was thunder and lightning. The voice of God came crashing down. He told people that he was adopting the bum as his son, giving him the full powers and privileges of The Son of the Creator of the Universe thoughout all eternity. God said this: From this moment on, He will punish horribly anybody who torments a bum who has no connections!"

I miss Kurt Vonnegut. I'm loving Slaughterhouse Five.

What Would Alex P. Keaton Do?

2008-09-08T22:16:00.002-04:00

I'm pretty sure I saw Tina Yothers at the gym today. Maybe not, because why would she be in southeast Georgia at the YWCA? But it was what I imagine Tina Yothers at the Y would look like, if that counts. Apparently that feathery curly stringy blonde hair is still hip here.

Getting back to the gym regularly since school started is kind of terrible. I never want to go at the end of the day, and I'm not getting up earlier than 6 am to work out before school. It's a conundrum.

On the other hand, I'm liking this school year so far. My honors class is fun (we'll see how the first test goes), my sophomores are solid, and my seniors keep me on my toes.

Now I just have to figure out how to set up my retirement account, and I'll be good to go.

(PS - If you're thinking this post died after the Tina Yothers joke, you're right.)

Good Old Fashioned Technology

2008-09-08T12:38:00.003-04:00

So I saw the iWood yesterday (see the site by clicking the picture). It's ridiculously overpriced, and so I don'treally think I'll be buying one anytime soon, but it got me thinking. Do we just like wood, or is there something about technology that makes us anxious for the days when there was a greater connection to the natural world? Disguised technology is nothing new. I've been admiring a CD/Mp3 player designed to look like an old phonograph for a while now. But why? Is it just the aesthetic? Is it an abhorrance of electronics? Or is it something else? Is it a desire to see ourselves as connected to nature, even though devices like this just further disconnect us from the world around us? Does wood just feel good to touch, and if so is that because it sparks something primal in us? Or is it just another way for the rich to look richer? (You've got an iPhone? I've got a hand-crafted wooden iPhone. Eat it!)

Maybe I'm overthinking this.

Hurricanes, Conventions, and Sinuses (Oh My!)

2008-09-05T17:05:00.002-04:00

Can I tell you my favorite part of the Republican National Convention? MSNBC's Andrea Mitchell getting lost in a sea of balloons. Good times. Seriously, though. Let's have a brief word about conventions. Do we need three or four days each party? For Democrats AND Republicans it's a rah rah cheerleader fest tooting their own horns in a mostly rhetorical fashion. We all already know who the nominee is, and most people aren't going to be convinced by one of those speeches. The meat and potatoes of any election has got to be the debates, right? So let's skip the silly hats and the jumbotrons and just get to the other stuff. I enjoyed both presidential candidate speeches, but the stuff leading up to it, where various party members play attack dog? Skip it! Of course, that's politics, I guess. There's even a whole book (looks pretty interesting--Davey Crockett accuses Martin van Buren of wearing women's underwear!) about it. But that doesn't mean it's enjoyable. Leave the jokes and name-calling to John Stewart and Stephen Colbert. (PS: Sarah Palin? I don't buy it. 'Nuff said. I keep promising not to talk politics!)

Anyway, Hanna missed us. I'm a little worried about Ike. You know what he did to Tina, and now he's even a Category IV Hurricane. It's too early to say whether he's coming here, but good night I hope not. The last two hurricane seasons were not NEARLY this stressful.

As a result, I've been fighting off a sinus infection last week. So annoying. My eyes get tired and red, my nose is runny, my body is tired. I'm glad we went and did the boating and tubing on Monday, rather than this weekend. I think I'll take it easy, do some grading, and prepare for next week's evacuation, politics, and illness.

Important Election Information

2008-09-03T09:47:00.002-04:00

All right, I know my mostly conservative readership is getting tired of election posts. There won't be many more, I promise. But my friend B discovered some important election information that everyone should know about. Seriously, the coincidences between Obama and McCain are eerie! This is a must read no matter who you're voting for.

DISASTER!?!!1!

2008-09-02T20:51:00.003-04:00

In the next 24 to 48 hours, I may be evacuating! Yipe! When can I move away from the south again?

100 Books for Men

2008-08-30T10:11:00.004-04:00

I know the Essential Man’s Library from The Art of Manliness has been around for a while, and you may have already read it. But first of all, I just stumbled on this site and it looks so fun! Second of all, I like the way they put this list together—the book covers are great for bibliophiles who love books and see book covers as mini works of art. Like any list of this kind, I don’t fully agree with all of it (no Kavelier and Clay? And do we need ALL that Teddy Roosevelt?) and there are plenty of selections that make me go “Huh?” but book lists always get me thinking (and wishing I was better read). I’ve included the whole list, bolding the books I’ve read (only 28). Still, take a look at the complete list. The artwork and the descriptions are worth it.

1. The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald
2. The Prince by Niccolo Machiavelli
3. Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut
4. 1984 by George Orwell
5. The Republic by Plato
6. The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoevsky
7. The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger
8. The Wealth of Nations by Adam Smith
9. For Whom the Bell Tolls by Ernest Hemingway
10. The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde
11. The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck
12. Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
13. How To Win Friends And Influence People by Dale Carnegie
14. Call of the Wild by Jack London
15. The Rise of Theodore Roosevelt by Edmund Morris
16. Swiss Family Robinson by Johann David Wyss
17. Dharma Bums by Jack Kerouac
18. The Iliad and Odyssey of Homer
19. Catch-22 by Joseph Heller
20. Walden by Henry David Thoreau
21. Lord of the Flies by William Golding
22. The Master and Margarita by by Mikhail Bulgakov
23. Bluebeard by Kurt Vonnegut
24. Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand
25. The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka
26. Another Roadside Attraction by Tom Robbins
27. White Noise by Don Delillo
28. Ulysses by James Joyce
29. The Young Man’s Guide by William Alcott
30. Blood Meridian, or the Evening Redness in the West by Cormac McCarthy
31. Seek: Reports from the Edges of America & Beyond by Denis Johnson
32. Crime And Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky
33. Steppenwolf by Herman Hesse
34. The Book of Deeds of Arms and of Chivalry by Christine De Pizan
35. The Art of Warfare by Sun Tzu
36. Don Quixote by Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra
37. Into the Wild by Jon Krakauer
38. The Divine Comedy by Dante Alighieri (well, 2/3rds anyway—haven’t done Paradiso)
39. The Hobbit by JRR Tolkien
40. The Rough Riders by Theodore Roosevelt
41. East of Eden by John Steinbeck
42. Leviathan by Thomas Hobbes
43. The Thin Red Line by James Jones
44. Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain
45. The Politics by Aristotle
46. First Edition of the The Boy Scout Handbook
47. Cyrano de Bergerac by Edmond Rostand
48. Tropic of Cancer by Henry Miller
49. The Crisis by Winston Churchill
50. The Naked and The Dead by Norman Mailer
51. Hatchet by Gary Paulsen
52. Animal Farm by George Orwell
53. Tarzan of the Apes by Edgar Rice Burroughs
54. Beyond Good and Evil by Freidrich Nietzsche
55. The Federalist Papers by Alexander Hamilton, John Jay, and James Madison
56. Moby Dick by Herman Melville
57. Essential Manners for Men by Peter Post
58. Frankenstein by Mary Wollstonecraft Shelly
59. Hamlet by Shakespeare
60. The Boys of Summer by Roger Kahn
61. A Separate Peace by John Knowles
62. A Farewell To Arms by Ernest Hemingway
63. The Stranger by Albert Camus
64. Robinson Crusoe by Daniel Dafoe
65. The Pearl by John Steinbeck
66. On the Road by Jack Kerouac
67. Treasure Island by Robert Louis Stevenson
68. Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
69. Foucault’s Pendulum - Umberto Eco
70. The Great Railway Bazaar by Paul Theroux
71. Fear and Trembling by Soren Kierkegaard
72. Undaunted Courage by Stephen Ambrose
73. Paradise Lost by John Milton
74. Cannery Row by John Steinbeck
75. American Boys’ Handy Book
76. Into Thin Air by Jon Krakauer
77. King Solomon’s Mines by H. Rider Haggard
78. The Idiot by Fyodor Dostoevsky
79. A River Runs Through It by Norman F. Maclean
80. The Island of Dr. Moreau by H.G. Wells
81. Malcolm X: The Autobiography
82. Theodore Rex by Edmund Morris
83. The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas
84. All Quiet on The Western Front by Erich Maria Remarq
85. The Red Badge of Courage by Stephen Crane
86. Lives of the Noble Greeks and Romans by Plutarch
87. The Strenuous Life by Theodore Roosevelt
88. The Bible
89. Lonesome Dove by Larry McMurtry
90. The Maltese Falcon by Dashiell Hammett
91. The Long Goodbye by Raymond Chandler
92. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
93. The Dangerous Book for Boys by Conn and Hal Iggulden
94. The Killer Angels by Michael Shaara
95. The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin
96. The Histories by Herodotus
97. From Here to Eternity by James Jones
98. The Frontier in American History by Frederick Jackson Turner
99. Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert Pirsig
100. Self Reliance by Ralph Waldo Emerson
And yes, this could have gone on the bookshelf, but since that has a low readership, I decided to post here.

Embarrassing Moment

2008-08-29T16:32:00.005-04:00

After a long hard day today of leading 16 sophomores in a service day for Habitat for Humanity, I came home needing to relax.

I flipped on the tv (as I tend to do in these kinds of circumstances), and ran through the usual channel greatest hits line-up: TNT, Discovery, Vh1, Bravo, Comedy Central.

Only when I get to Comedy Central, I stop. A movie is starting, and I think "Hey! I know that music. What is this? Oh yeah, it's . . . Police Academy."

Yep. I recognized the Police Academy theme song, which I don't think I've heard since I was about seven or eight years old. And also, which is a terrible movie. What a dork! And what an awful movie! Steve Guttenburg, where did we go wrong?

Obama Acceptance

2008-08-28T23:06:00.004-04:00

Just finished watching the speech. Incredible. I'm so ready for a politician who restores hope rather than adds to the cynicism. I want his vision for America. Jobs here, by developing the energy industry (and simultaneously getting us off our oil dependence--sorry Tim! I want solar and wind power!). Judgment in the use of military force, but strength abroad. Lower taxes for people like me and you, and higher taxes for the wealthy and corporations. Emphasis on education, on family responsibility, on getting more people to work and healthcare for everyone, and most importantly on national unity -- on reminding America that our greatness lies in both our individual potential and in our cooperative solidarity. I love it. I can't wait to cast my ballot for him in just two months. Go Obama! (Go-bama?)

Ne(rd)w Wallpaper

2008-08-25T22:14:00.002-04:00

Thanks to my buddy Yorick for this. It makes me smile every time I see my desktop.

Time Out for Rain Delay

2008-08-22T22:48:00.004-04:00

So while Fay has been mucking about in Northern Florida (and spreading her tentacles into South Georgia) and while school has been getting under way, the blog has fallen by the wayside. Not to fret, faithful readers. I'll be back in the groove of things soon, and then I'll get back to multi-tasking the way you full-time job people do all year round. Right now, I'm just like, "Man, a full time job is tiring!" I guess that's what the summer does. At any rate, I'll be back soon with wonderful stories of student wit and teacher folly. And there is still that Indy Part 3 post to do. Ah well, the to-do list always changes but never gets shorter. Such is life.

Oh, and one more thing. Just a reminder again that I'm posting book reviews to The Bookshelf (see right, if it's not on your RSS reader). Feel free to stop by and leave a comment or suggest a book. Right now my reviews are very lonely.

Indy Part 2

2008-08-14T20:36:00.012-04:00

Heads up: Lots of pictures today, and consequently a little less of my stellar commentary. You can click on the pictures to get a slightly larger version.

Once Dylan and I were in our seats, I had a chance to surreptitiously take some pictures of the venue, since I managed to bring a camera in past security (who it turns out, were patting me down neither to find my camera or to admire my killer body, but because they were searching for weapons. Dylan was caught with a knife. Because he's a terrorist.)

We were stage right, a bit, but the above picture makes our seats look much worse than they actually were. However, it is the only picture I had of Dancing Grey Head Man, whose many stellar dance moves (including "Hands in Pockets Shuffle" and "Trying to Get Action from Girlfriend Jive") entertained and annoyed me throughout the evening.

Here's a job that seems like it would be fun:

You may have to magnify it a little, but it's the guy running the spotlight above the stage.

It wasn't quite dark yet, when suddenly

Hey, who's that?

Oh yeah, those guys! You can see all those long light poles (or something) that surround the stage. They were all about the color.

Wait a minute. Is there something weird going on in that last picture?

Oh, right. Jonny Greenwood is playing his electric guitar with a bow. Because he's Jonny Greenwood, dammit! He does whatever he wants!

So at the back of the stage there is a screen with cameras on all of the band members. They did crazy angles and psychedelic effects, which I liked. The night I got in Dylan and I stayed up watching a Pearl Jam DVD, and one of the things I liked about it was the really interesting angles from which the filmmaker shot the concert. This reminded me of that. Anyway, here are some better looks:

My friend Shawn (not pictured) calls Radiohead "music to slit your wrists by." I disagree, in part because OK Computer is one of the greatest albums of all time, and in part because Radiohead mellows me like nothing else (except for Sigur Ros). But there's no doubt they're a little different. For example, at most concerts the singer tries to build rapport with the audience and be entertaining and have a big stage presence. Thom Yorke, on the other hand, said probably eight sentences the entire night, and six of them were "Thank you." He did, however, dance like a skinny white guy.

SILHOUETTE TIME!!!!!

Oh, hey, now the lights are up.

And is that . . . Is that a Free Tibet flag? Is this 1998 or something? (The previous joke was brought to you by Dylan, and in no way reflects the author's view on Tibet, China, or 1990s benefit concerts.)

I couldn't tell if this lighting effect was making words (it sort of looked like it when you squinted) or if it was supposed to be raining.

Let's say raining.

Whoa, it just got bright in here.

See?

So I've been trying to teach myself a little more photography lately (I'm pretty pleased with most of these pictures), and Dylan taught me about playing with some of the exposure settings. I like this effort, but I have to admit it also looks just like squiggly lines:

These are some of my favorite shots of the night. I especially like the colors (what am I, a six-year-old girl?) and I think they capture the night pretty well.

All in all, though it wasn't much of a sing-along type concert, it was tons of fun. Don't we look happy?

Oh, dang. I forgot what a pain it is to get out of concerts. Let me put on my crazy eyes.

That's better. The crowd was ridiculous. We were slammed together to filter through the music venue's tiny little exit, and I was reminded of the subways in Japan. Also, I was really glad I'm not claustrophobic, because I would have been hyperventilating.

Once he agreed not to stab anyone, Dylan got his knife back, and after what felt like twelve hours sitting in the parking lot waiting for our turn to go we headed back to Kokomo.

All in all, it was a great day. Radiohead was one of the bands on my list of "Must See Live" musical acts, and they didn't disappoint. Good times, my friends. Good times.

Up next: Day 2 - Barbeque! Wilco! Pot Smokers!

Indy Part 1

2008-08-12T00:30:00.007-04:00

My Indianapolis trip is now a thing of the past, much like the summer break. But I wanted to get the details up before school starts, probably in a few posts, because I'm too lazy to resize all my pictures at once.

I flew from Jacksonville to Indy on Saturday, stopping in Charlotte, NC on the way. I learned some important facts in my few hours at Charlotte:

Fact #1: Southerners love rocking chairs. If no porches are available to rock on, they will find the nearest moving sidewalk and plant themselves in front.

Fact #2 (not pictured): Charlotte airport security? Segways.

Fact #3: Fried pickles?

I'm suspicious.

(Jayhawk shoutout - wearing a Kansas hat in North Carolina feels good, especially this year. Suck it, Tar Heels!) Anywho, the pickles are somewhat tasty, but also surprisingly spicy. And, of course, good for the heart.

Fact #4: Waiting for airplanes is boring.

After picking me up from the airport, Dylan promptly got lost. Or at least that's what he told me. Then I told him I wouldn't make out with him and suddenly he found the highway. So that was odd.

The next day was Sunday, and after typical churchy activities the trip adventures began. I was only there for two full days, so we had to pack a lot in a short amount of time. So we got in some comfy clothes and headed out. I was going to wear my Batman outfit, but Zane beat me to it.

In keeping with that spirit, we grabbed Shawn (not pictured) and Matt (not pictured) and went to the movies (pictured).

We'd all seen the Dark Knight already, but it's not everyday you have a chance to see it on IMAX, especially in the Brunswick boonies where I live. And let me tell you, it is absolutely worth it. A lot of the outdoor wide shots are filmed with the IMAX camera, and it's pretty breathtaking.

Still, this trip wasn't about the movies. At this point Dylan and I decided to venture out on our own in search of food. We thought it would only be a 30 minute drive to our destination, but the traffic gods had other ideas.

TRAFFIC JAM!!!!!!!

Adventure or pain in the ass? We saw it differently.

Turns out Dylan was right. It was pretty annoying.

By now we were famished. Fortunately, despite what you may have heard, Indianapolis does have food. Or at least noodles.

I'll bite.

It's tasty, but spicy. Dylan has the right idea, whereas I forgot to buy a drink.

Sustenance attained, it was on to the amphitheater. All right, we missed the opening act, so bring on the Radiohead!

Up next: The Radiohead is Brought On.

Opening Ceremonies

2008-08-09T15:42:00.006-04:00

How about those opening ceremonies? That was pretty amazing. I don't think I've ever seen anything to equal it. I didn't quite get why they blew up the stadium at the end, there, though.

I had an awesome trip to Indiana last week to see Dylan, Shawn, Radiohead, and Wilco. It was really good times, and I'll post more about it later (resizing all the pictures is kind of a pain to get around to). Also we hope to have some sort of information on the Amelia job front soon, so we'll see how that goes.

School starts this Thursday (well, pre-planning, but for all intents and purposes I have to work again, so basically...). I thought I'd have 6 classes this year, which is a lot, and would have meant a lot more work and a little extra pay. Turns out I'll only have 4 first semester and 5 second semester, so my life just got way better. Maybe I can use that extra time to keep writing!

In the meantime, I rented Soul Caliber IV to play for my last week of no work. The thing about fighting games: great stress reliever (and we've got stress these days, kids) when they're not totally infuriating. My swearing percentage goes up significantly while playing arcade fighters, as do my cries of "This computer is cheating!" So maybe I'll have to play that less and watch the olympics a little more. That's not bad. Beach volleyball is probably more relaxing than sword fighting anyway.

The Lego Ultimatum

2008-07-31T20:46:00.000-04:00

The Truth is In Here

2008-07-30T23:35:00.004-04:00

After seven long months, Amelia and I finally finished all nine seasons of the X-Files. We've enjoyed our time with Mulder, Scully, and all the rest, but I'm also looking forward to starting some new shows.

Though I'm still a little confused by the actual conspiracy, I did learn a lot watching this show: Never trust a man who smokes. Aliens are not only among us but actually are us, somehow. If your dog disappears, it's probably because a mythical swamp creature swallowed whole and/or it was attacked by Satanists. You know, the usual stuff.

I'll compile a top five episodes list at some point (just like I promised a post about the house and a post about my new computer), but I needed to clarify one thing.

Those last two seasons of the show that everyone complains went off the rails? Not so bad.

Sure, Duchovney's departure was a blow, and especially in the last season it seemed keeping Mulder in the story was getting more and more awkward, and Reyes is no Scully, but John Doggett (you may know him as the T-1000 from Terminator 2)? Not that bad! In fact, I really like him. Yeah, I missed Mulder's sense of humor, but they still told some pretty fun stories. In all honesty, the worst part about those seasons is Scully had nothing to do but shout "Don't hurt my baby!" again and again and again.

In other scary news, the economy is hitting Amelia's industry pretty hard. We're hopeful that her job will still be here next month (and next week), but it's a little bit up in the air, so send good thoughts our way. On the other hand, maybe this is why we decided to start cutting back our expenses.

I hope not. Japan would be much cooler than just being poor.

The Bookshelf is Back

2008-07-27T09:04:00.007-04:00

I've decided to reopen the Bookshelf (see the link at right). I'm posting the same reviews I write on GoodReads--mostly short, quick responses. Also, for the first time I'm adding an AdSense link at the top of that page. If you can, try clicking on something there. Who knows, maybe this is how we'll get the money to go to Japan! Also, I'm testing out the new blogger "Blog Feed widget." I'm not sold, yet. Which do you like better, the version on top, where it gives you the date of the last update (I can remove the blogger icon if that's annoying) or the "classic" version beneath that just lists the site? I'm on the fence right now. I like that, for the Bookshelf, for example, I wouldn't have to post when I update, it would just jump to the top of the list. But I also wish I could put the date next to, instead of below, the title, to conserve space. What to do, what to do.

In other news, we went and saw Wall-E yesterday. What a creative movie. It's amazing how, with so little dialogue, they create fully fleshed out and interesting characters. I don't know how Pixar does it, but they routinely make original and entertaining works. OK, Cars was a low point, but they've done so much that's just great. Big thumbs up. If I were going to work for a movie studio, that seems like it might be a fun one to work for. Then again, I think any job at a film studio would be fun. Someday, perhaps. Once I'm done with all this teaching.

Finally, ComicCon is this week. I'm not there, but--nerd that I am--one of my goals is to go to ComicCon eventually. I like all the stuff there: comics, movies, tv, sci-fi, etc. What's not to like? Plus, I believe it's in San Diego, so Amelia would want to go too. It's the perfect plan!

Dogs and Dollars

2008-07-23T15:09:00.004-04:00

Good news! I finally reached my first weight loss goal: 10% of starting body weight. I've still got a long way to go, and I don't really look a whole lot thinner yet, but it was a big accomplishment. The dog was proud of me, anyway, as you can see.

Finn is an odd little dog. I'm not just talking about the fact that he likes sitting on my shoulders.

We think he's part Italian greyhound, in part because he looks exactly like Bart's dog Santa's Little Helper, in part because his body has that "I'd-rather-be-running" look, and in part because he has a lot of typical traits that go along with them. He loves blankets, he's social (I was amazed how gentle he was with the kids during our Kansas trip, especially given how rough he'll play with me), he wants to sprint for about ten minutes a couple of times a week, etc.

We've talked about getting one of these Doggie DNA tests, but I can't quite bring myself to do it. I'm sure I've got better things to spend $100-200, even though it would be nice to know.

Speaking of money, we are preparing to enter a fallow period. Not because we have to really--my raise will kick in I think with my September paycheck, and though we have this laptop and the fridge to pay off, they're both at 0% interest and we should be able to get it done in time. No, we're thinking about cutting back a lot of our unneccessary expenses and saving for a trip to Japan in March. One of Amelia's mission companions is moving there for a few months, and since it would be a free place to stay we'd just have to get there and have some money to spend.

Of course, living on the East coast as we are right now, that's easier said than done. Tickets from Jacksonville seem to average around $1500 each, so we're guessing the whole trip would be somewhere in the neighborhood of $4000. (By the way, if you have any insight into getting to Asia cheap, let us know!) To make that happen and not go into credit card debt or blow our current savings, we're going to try and save as much of it as we can over the next few months. That means cutting things like cable tv (gasp!), spending less money on ourselves, cutting our food, entertainment, and dining out budgets, and hope hope hoping nothing else breaks. (Don't worry, we'll keep the Internet. It's essential for the plan actually working.)

So, budget-conscious readers, if you have any recommendations--good ways to save lots of money fast--feel free to post them below. And if you're in the same boat and are trying to increase savings, check out Get Rich Slowly. I was just turned on to this site recently, but whether you're interested in investment suggestions, do-it-yourself projects (I wish I knew how to do DIY better; that's one way to save a lot!), or just cutting cost tips, GRS covers everything. It's worth a look!

The Dark Knight Returns

2008-07-20T10:08:00.003-04:00

I was blown away by The Dark Knight. It raises the bar for comic book movies, though I know its darkness will turn off some viewers (don't let the caped crusader fool you, this is not a movie for kids). Nolan creates a realistic world with realistic characters, even if the technology is not. And into that world he throws down moral questions like "Do you have to stoop to the level of evil to stand against it?" and "How much can you give up for a cause you believe in?" Even those phrasings sound trite, but in the movie they're not.

And Heath Ledger. Holy cow. I liked the guy just fine before, but this is an incredible performance. There was talk before the movie came out that he might get an oscar nomination because of his untimely death. But the thing is, he deserves one. His Joker is not the dancing clown of Jack Nicholson or the silly prankster of Cesar Romero. He's a psychopath who wants anarchy. In his first two scenes he proves that he could do anything at any moment, a tightly coiled spring of violence that could be unleashed at any time. He's frightening, even as he's sickly comic.

I don't want to oversell the movie, but to me this is the Empire Strikes Back, the Godfather II of comic book movies. The sequel that raises the bar and makes what came before look like kid stuff. And by came before I don't mean just Batman Begins, but Spiderman, Hulk, and all those other comic book heroes too. Nolan treats the material, and his audience, like an adult, and in doing so he's created an epic masterpiece. One of the best movies I've seen this year.

Put on Your Black Tights

2008-07-17T18:03:00.006-04:00

In honor of The Dark Knight and the new trailer for Watchmen (my favorite graphic novel ever), I decided that today was the right day to let everyone in on a little project I've been working on.

I pointed out in my last post that I reached page 50 in my book. What I didn't tell you was that the reason I've gone so slow (let's be honest, 50 pages in a month is actually not all that impressive) is that I've been working on my own comic book. That's right, I'm finally ready to unveil Barack Obama: Secret Muslim for your pleasure.

Each week Obama erodes the fabric of American society through a variety of sneaky tactics: mandatory beards for incumbent senators, asking Nancy Pelosi to wear a burka, inviting terrorists to sleep in the Lincoln Bedroom, etc. In a related subplot, his wife (Lady Panther) will organize a ragtag gang of welfare mothers into a well-organized militia. I've finished the first four issues, and let me just say that you'll love to hate Obama's arch-rival Whitey McPrivilege.

Anyway, at the gym the other day they flashed a Newsweek poll that said 12% of Americans think Obama is a practicing Muslim (are these the same people that are afraid of his black Christian minister?) and 26% of people think he was raised as a Muslim. People! Read a paper! Or a book! Or don't, actually, and buy Barack Obama: Secret Muslim issue #1--coming to a news stand near you!

All Kinds of Progress

2008-07-16T14:08:00.005-04:00

Reached page fifty in my book last night--the one I'm writing, not the one I'm reading. I know it's just a first draft, but I feel like it's coming together ok. I think I may actually make my goal of getting a full draft done by the end of the year. It helps that I actually know where I'm going with it now, which wasn't the case with an early version I started last summer.

Progress is happening in other areas as well. Amazingly the trip home--in which diet rules went the way of the dinosaur--didn't screw up the weight loss too much. I'm still not quite at my first goal, but I'm closer than I was when I left. Going back to the gym is not easy, but it's nice feeling like I'm moving forward there again.

Also, I meant to post at the beginning of the month about my book goal, but since I forgot to do it then, it fits in well here. I made a goal at the beginning of the year to read 25 books this year. I think I'm going to make it! Here's what I've read so far this year (see, the end of June was the halfway point, which is why I thought I'd post about it then).

Books I haven't read before are bolded. My goal now is to read 25 books I haven't read before.

1. Ethan Frome (1/21/08)
2. The Kite Runner (1/26/08)
3. A Raisin in the Sun (2/8/08)
4. Pride and Prejudice (2/8/08)*
5. Shutter Island (2/15/08)*
6. Their Eyes Were Watching God (3/2/08)*
7. The Old Man and the Sea (3/16/08)
8. The Poe Shadow (3/24/08)
9. Frankenstein (3/24/08)*
10. The Great Gatsby (4/14/08)*
11. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (4/15/08)*
12. 1984 (5/5/08)*
13. I Love You, Beth Cooper (5/13/08)
14. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (5/16/08)*
15. Give a Boy a Gun (5/18/08)
16. Winter's Tale (6/04/08)
17. The Big Over Easy (6/8/08)
18. Then We Came to the End (6/15/08)
19. Jane Eyre (6/24/08)
20. Spook (7/2/08)
21. The Eyre Affair (7/9/08)
22. Paddy Clarke Ha Ha Ha (7/16/08)

14 new books down, 11 to go. Victory shall be mine!

Six Years!

2008-07-12T15:09:00.005-04:00

Happy Anniversary to me! Six years ago today I got married. Still the best choice I've made in my life. It's been a great six years, though I can't believe how fast it has gone by.

Amelia and I were supposed to go to Charleston this weekend, but on our return from Kansas Amelia came down with a ridiculous case of allergies. The bad news is we had to reschedule the trip (well, postpone . . . we haven't actually rescheduled yet, but since our deposit only comes back as a gift certificate to the hotel we'd booked, we'll take the trip sometime). The good news is it's still great to be married. We'll get something good for dinner tonight and spend some money on the house and just generally have a good time. I can't say the past six years have been exactly how we planned for them to be, but we have a great life and I feel lucky to spend every day with my best friend.

Kansas was great, by the way. I'll have a longer post on it in the next couple of days. At which time I'll also say something about the new laptop I'm blogging from right now. Like my marriage, it is awesome. Happy Anniversary, Amelia!

Road Tripping!

2008-07-02T01:14:00.003-04:00

So here we are in Kansas.

Ten important things I have learned so far on this trip:

1. Illinois has the worst roads when traveling from Georgia to Kansas. (Tennessee has the best.)

2. Paducah, Kentucky, may be the most redneck-sounding city in the country.

3. Sedating your dog makes car trips awesome. Parents of small children, I have a feeling this would work for you too. Give it a try!

4. A GPS is the greatest.

4a. But only if you actually follow the directions it gives you (no, I was not driving. Neither was Amelia. The driver will remain nameless for his or her own protection.)

5. Those big shuttlecocks at the Nelson-Atkins Museum of Art still induce a childlike sense of joy in me.

6. Cheesecake is probably the best of all the cheeses.

7. Roller coasters just don't have the same thrill they used to. I understand this to mean I'm turning into an old man. I am at peace with that.

8. The downtown in Lawrence, Kansas, is the archetype to which all other downtowns aspire. It is Aristotle's universal chair, if the chair was a downtown. I have yet to meet it's match.

9. When the Israelites rejoiced in manna from heaven, I have it on good authority they were talking about Pizza Shuttle cream cheese pizza.

10. Don't let the name fool you: Restoration Hardware is a great place to buy the Most Expensive Towel in the World, but it's a pretty bad place to buy a socket wrench.

Plateaus, Peaks, and Valleys

2008-06-21T11:54:00.004-04:00

All right, why can I not lose these last few pounds to reach my 10% weight loss goal? This is driving me nuts!

I hear when you reach a weight loss plateau the thing to do is to shake things up. So at the beginning of June we got a membership to the Y. I've been going 5 times a week for the last two weeks, effectively adding 30 minutes of more intense working out each day, not to mention some time playing basketball. I'm doing fairly good staying in points on eating, but I don't seem to be losing anything. It's starting to make me angry, and like the Hulk, I'm not that likable when I'm angry.

Goals for this week:
1) Stop eating out! It seems like we do it a few times a week, and not only is it a money sink, but it's hard to always control myself and get the "good" menu options. (Tonight we're supposed to go out to dinner with some friends, so we'll see how I do)
2) Add strength training into the routine. I hear that can be helpful in increasing metabolism and lean muscle. So ok.

My goal, as I've mentioned before, is to buy a new laptop when I get this 10% goal. And then, of course, to keep working after that. Here's to perseverance in the face of stagnation.

In other news, the writing is progressing. The draft I did last summer died after about 50 pages. I only have 11 pages of this new draft so far, but it's got a lot more direction, I think I've found my tone a little better, and I'll still be able to re-use several chunks of the old version. So it's progressing. The goal is now a little more consistency. I think I'm starting to find my groove, though, and that's a good thing.

Add the Xbox, the guest room tv, and Amelia's car brakes to the list of things that are suddenly breaking. The first will be free to fix, the second is toast, and the third we obviously took care of right away. But all these hopes for a little increase in disposable income are just going right down the drain (I hope I didn't just jinx myself--the plumbing has been ok).

Finally, we went to the late show of Get Smart the other day. It's a fun movie. Obviously most spy movies are filled with impossible moments, but it was fun, Steve Carrell is really likeable, and Anne Hathaway has definitely grown up since the Princess Diaries. Besides, Amelia didn't mind me developing a little crush on her during the movie since she had The Rock to look at. I have to admit, even that guy's muscles have muscles. Yet another reason to start some strength training.

Ask About Free Gaiman-izing

2008-06-16T12:40:00.004-04:00

A friend of mine had a chance to go to a comic convention recently. Among the many famous names there (well, famous to nerds like me, anyway) was one of my favorite novelists of the past few months, Neil Gaiman.

You might now Gaiman's name if you saw the movie Stardust (which I recommend), based on one of his books. He's well known among sci-fi/fantasy circles--genres I'm not really into, but which he writes about with a flair and realism that can be both hilarious and moving. His writing usually begins in the real world and then finds the dark fantastic underbelly. Pan's Labyrinth and other Guillermo del Toro films tap a similar vein, as does some of Tim Burton's stuff. In Gaiman's world, things are never "quite right," and nightmares come to life and are sometimes mean and sometimes have their own nightmares. I'd highly recommend his novel American Gods. It's really entertaining. Gaiman's stuff is usually a little dark, a little like nursery rhymes gone crazy.

Anyway, Gaiman was signing copies of his upcoming release, The Graveyard Book, about a boy raised in a graveyard. It's a little bit for younger readers, but so what? It's still dark and fun and mysterious, like the other "younger reader" book he wrote, Coraline. (Check out this trailer for the upcoming film version of Coraline. It's stop motion by the same guy who did Nightmare Before Christmas). Anyway, I asked my friend to get me a copy if possible. He obliged.

I, for one, love the personalization.

But The Cool Side Won't Stay Cool

2008-06-14T00:01:00.005-04:00

I remember very little from my science classes. While my students today don't see why literature matters to them, I never understood why a keen understanding of the mathematical formulas of kinetic and potential energy would be important in my life (side note: I've never once had to use any such formula in my life, whereas I read something every day, and I'll bet you do too).

But there's one thing I do remember from school, and that is the principle of entropy. For those of you who have forgotten, entropy basically means that (as Yeats said) things fall apart. The world almost always gets disorganized, not more organized. It's why things decay and the universe expands.

It has also been a principle hard at work in my life over the past week--specifically the part of my life I like to classify as "Things That Keep Me Cool." As a portent of things to come, my car air conditioner stopped working a few months ago. This is an annual occurrence in my life, much like the harvest or Lindsay Lohan getting arrested. Still, this time I had to bite the bullet and pay for an in-depth repair, because summers in Georgia should come with a warning sign and a permanent heat advisory--how anyone ever actually settled here, I'll never know. Anyway, in May I got that fixed and thought, "Ha, Summer, I laugh in your face!"

Then on Tuesday my refrigerator broke again. This is also a frequent occurrence. The fridge (really the freezer is the problem) will work fine and work fine and work fine, and then suddenly everything will melt. I'll bang on it and maybe take a piece or two apart and mess with the dial, and then once all those steps are proven useless it will start working again.

Only this time it didn't. It has slowly been melting down all my frozen products. The ice cream was a goner right away, while the meat, due to it's denser mass, has been hanging on for dear life. Still, I have been unable to repair it, and with repairmen charging $120 just to come out and look at it, I decided drastic steps needed to be taken.

Which is when the air conditioner for the house stopped working.

Long story short, in the past few weeks I've put out a few hundred dollars on the car and home ACs, bought a new refrigerator (coming on Thursday--thank goodness for clearance items that are still awesome), and, just for fun, started paying a guy to spray for bugs and bought a new dining room table and chairs, two big purchases we began before the planet decided I should be hot and sweaty all the time. In short, not only have my appliances fallen apart, but my wallet as well is now completely disorganized. By which I mean empty.

Screw you entropy!

The Idiot's Guide to Gardening

2008-06-07T12:39:00.013-04:00

+

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Summerific

2008-06-05T17:12:00.003-04:00

Teaching, year two: complete.

It was a pretty good year, I think. I had fewer preparedness hurdles to jump, though I have a penchant for wanting to change things up every year (which I think is a good thing, otherwise it becomes too rote for me and not catered to the students). I've got some good ideas for next year (I'm adding at least one book in every class, though I'm also taking some away) and I'm starting to feel like I'm a part of the school. I'll even miss those kids--though not enough that I wanted to teach any summer classes.

Highlights (in honor of Beth's list--congratulations on a successful first year, kid!):

1) A student (the last to turn her final in) stops at the door and says, "That essay question really made me sit back and think. It was like, 'Whoa.' You're pretty good at your job." Hey thanks!

2) Dead fish in the ceiling tiles. Thank you, graduating seniors.

3) No teachers married students this year. Maybe our school should get one of those boards like they have at factories: "365 days without a student/faculty marriage!"

4) A student comes in after the weekend, rolls her eyes in my general direction, and says, "Well, you ruined my weekend. Thanks for calling my mom and telling her I hadn't turned in my essay. I was grounded!" You're welcome.

5) State champs in like 5 sports. I was never really into that stuff in high school, but as a teacher I feel so proud of those kids! Especially the ones who struggle in class but shine on the field.

6) Um, no, parents, I'm 29 years old and have no kids. I don't have awesome suggestions for raising your son. Sorry about that.

7) I got my first call where a student listed me as a reference for a job hunt (though I do wish she'd told me about it first). Still, I felt like a grown-up for about two minutes there.

8) Remembering that that same student from number seven was someone I had yelled at first semester for trying to pull a fast one regarding extra credit attendance. We healed and moved on, clearly.

9) Stayed out of major faculty conflicts again!

10) Learning that the party favor section at Wal-Mart is prime location for finding contest prizes for my class projects (who knew tenth graders would be so excited about $0.50 Speed Racer yo-yo's?).

11) Being impressed again by so many kids. I tell you, this is a rewarding job, even though some days it's terrible too.

12) Realizing that my brain is so fried right now that I can't remember the best stuff. I need to do better blogging so that this doesn't happen!

By the way, summer in Georgia? It's like someone turned the fires of hell from "bake" to "broil" and then to "melt steel." Just a walk around the block is ridiculous (and also bad for my bald head). I think that YWCA membership is going to come in handy. And I think yard work is all going to have to stop by 9 a.m. Hope the neighbors don't mind hearing a lawn mower at 7:00 a.m. tomorrow!

Things I Don't Care About

2008-05-31T18:07:00.002-04:00

Number 1:

Book of Revelation

2008-05-29T08:05:00.003-04:00

I can't remember the last time my thoughts on a book have changed so much in the course of reading. I'm now about 385 pages into Mark Helprin's Winter's Tale--you may recognize it from its constant presence for like 2 months in my GoodReads feed. For 200 pages, this book was a slog. I don't know whether it was being busy with school or being only moderately enthusiastic about magical realism or what, but I couldn't read more than a page or two at a time before wanting to move on to something else. I would try to read at night and fall asleep within a paragraph or two. I would do things to avoid reading it--including reading whole other books. I was very seriously considering just putting it on the shelf and trying again later (or not).

Then last week something clicked. As the story moved from Peter Lake (who I wanted to like but somehow didn't care about) to Hardesty Maratta and Virginia Gamely, I found myself enthralled. Suddenly the pieces are coming together, Helprin's poetic description is affecting me, and I can't put it down. In fact, I'm supposed to spend the day today grading finals and cleaning my desk, and I just wanted to kick back and read more.

I don't remember the last time I've done such a complete 180. I don't know about you, but I usually can get a sense of my feelings early on; rarely does a movie or a game or a book or a cd bore me for 1/4 of its length before suddenly captivating me.

Of course, there are exceptions:

Sweeney Todd took 20 or 30 minutes before I got into it. Then I got hooked.

Life of Pi was interesting but somewhat dull for the first 70 pages, then it got moving.

Many a classic film has started slow and then sucked me in.

I don't know what compels me to keep going even when bored. Obviously it backfires frequently. I've seen plenty of terrible movies that I knew were terrible early on, but I kept hoping would somehow become incredible. Maybe I'm just patient, but really I think it's just because once I've invested any time or money I want to get some kind of payout, some kind of pleasure.

The other option is I'm just a sucker wasting his life on stuff he's not sure he likes. But I hope not.