Monday, June 15, 2009

Guinness Book of Useless Records

So in the last 24 hours, two stories regarding the Guinness Book of World Records have made their way into my rss reader. The first was about the largest smurf gathering on record (2500 people--and by the way, that's not the website I pulled the story from, but take a look at the seventh picture down; I think I found Waldo! ). The second was about the largest air guitar jam session in world record history.

Three important pieces of information stand out to me from these news stories.

1) Both events happened in Great Britain. Um, Brits, are you ok?

2) Amazingly, there were five times as many people willing to paint themselves blue and dress up like smurfs than there were people air shredding together. How is that possible? How has the air guitar jam session not been sponsored by some minor league baseball team convincing everyone in their stands to jam for three minutes during the seventh inning stretch? Marketers, please take this as a call to arms. I think I could top 440 air guitarists just by posting on Craigslist.

3) Guinness Book of World Records, you done fell off. (Old man rant on) In my day, there were respectable records in your hallowed pages. Crazy long fingernails, or dudes that had tattooed every inch of their body, or a guy with a super-long tongue. Now it seems like any fool with a stupid idea and a camera can give himself a so-called world record. Hey, let's get 200 dudes on riding lawn mowers and get a spot in the record books. No? How about 317 guys in Harry Potter glasses, does that do anything for you? 550 people waving remote controls in the air. Is it really just that easy? Of course they're world records--no one else is dumb enough to get that many people together to do something so pointless! (Old man rant off)

I'm disappointed in everybody.

But especially you, Great Britain.

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