This is why I dig my family. This is not the first such exchange we have had. Just a recent example. We are awesome. Hope you find this as entertaining as I do!
For fear of being the last one at the table, thus forcing me to pick up the tab, I am officially submitting my resignation from the George W. Bush Cabinet. That seems to be the cool thing to do right now and I want to be on the cutting edge. My former post? Secretary to the Department of Good Times. Perhaps you have heard of the original cabinet member to hold this post - in the Jimmy Carter White House - Jimmy "Kid Dynomite" Walker.
Funny, I also resigned this morning as Secretary of Suave. I felt the department was becoming too chic and debonair. All the suave moderates are being pushed out.
Wow, I'm surprised I didn't run into you going into the Oval Office, but with the constant cavalcade of resignations and new appointees, I'm sure we just got lost in the shuffle.
I tossed in my two cents:
Matt, You will be sorely missed on the Bush staff. The Department of Good Times has made major progress during your tenure, including implementing the Color-coded "How Good Are These Times" Notification Scale (Green: Rompin'. Yellow: Pretty Freakin'. Orange: Outright Wacky. Chartruse: Rip-Roarin'. Red: Wicked Awesome.) and creating the administration's theme of "Party Round the World".
Chris, your time as Secretary of Suave, though brief, was equally productive. I know the Administration particularly enjoyed your "Passionate Act," which of course allowed for the immediate jailing without trial of all Americans who might not look mah-volous.
As for me, I too will be stepping down as Secretary of De-pants. In coordination with both your departments, I was able to de-pants and re-dress many world leaders with comical names, including Boutros Boutros Ghali and Gerard Depardieux.
I for one, believe the country will never be the same, thanks to our efforts.
Joel, I had no idea you were behind the names that make each of us giggle when we say them. I'm sure your work was very covert - perhaps even Super Important Really Extra Top Secret To The Point That You Can't Even Tell Your Wife. That's some serious clearance, man.
I just wanted to add a wish of good luck to each of you in your new endeavors.
Joel, I'm sure you will have great success working with Governor Schwarzenegger in his campaign to force all televisions to show "Jingle All the Way" from Thanksgiving to New Year's Day. Time to educate the masses, my friend. It's an epic work of comic genius involving the late Phil Hartman and the clearly underrated Sinbad.
Chris, I understand your new focus will be a little more under the radar, but I have great respect for the group you will represent as a lobbyist on Capital Hill. It is time to have these natural male enhancement adds removed from the airwaves - for the public good! For goodness sake, our children watch television! I can only wish you safety and protection, as I am sure you will be met with stiff resistance.
I, for one, look forward to getting out of government service all together. Though I have worked tirelessly to help the country understand our current dangerous state of affairs - Code Green: Rompin' right now - I look forward to returning to the private sector and perhaps putting a little extra coin in my pocket at the same time. Later this afternoon, I will be accepting a job opportunity at corporate giant, Wal-Mart. Though I can't get into details right now, it is our goal to bring Wal-Mart into the incredibly competitive automobile industry through the production and extremely discounted sale of the new Wal-Mart Barato (Spanish for Cheap), an economy car that will need to be replaced in its entirety in six months. We will also be introducing the Wal-Mart Chabacano (Spanish for Nasty). This is a luxury SUV with some special added features that make others stare at you while driving down the street. Of course, this is all part of our corporate goal to eventually become a world-wide monopoly for all products and services. That goal may be closer to reality than any of us currently know.
Good luck to each of you
Few people know that Wal-Mart is actually behind all the natural male enhancement ads. Fewer still are aware that natural male enhancements are now included in all Wal-Mart food items. Prices may be dropping for Wal-Mart customers, but that's about it. Made in the U.S.A., baby.
Good times, good times.