[DRUMS] NARRATOR
Previously . . .
SHOELESS JOEL
(rapidly) Did you know grammar is important?
STUDENT
(rapidly)Really?
SJ
(rapidly)Yeah.
STUDENT
(rapidly) Grammar?
SJ
(rapidly) Yeah.
STUDENT
(rapidly) Important?
SJ
(rapidly) Yeah.
STUDENT
(rapidly I think I heard something about that.
SJ
(rapidly) Good. It’s important. It’s what sets us apart from the squeaks and grunts of animals. It gives our noise meaning, by putting it in its proper order, by setting it down in a systematic, rule based way. It, at its most basic, is the framework on which communication must rest. It’s at play when we talk to our parents or when we communicate with astronauts. It is the basis of Shakespeare and the basis of Tupac. It is essential.
[PAUSE]
STUDENT
Yeah.
SMASHCUT: OPENING CREDITS
[TITLE CARD: A WISE MAN]
FADE IN: INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY
PRINCIPAL BARTLET and SHOELESS JOEL are walking rapidly down the hallway.
PRINCIPAL BARTLET
So, are you ready for a good day today?
SJ
I think so.
PRINCIPAL BARTLET
Good, we need a good day.
SJ
Yes sir.
PRINCIPAL BARTLET
Wars in two countries, the economy in the crapper, an environment deteriorating faster than we can replant. I think we all need a good day. I know our men and women in the field do, at least.
SJ
Sir?
PRINCIPAL BARTLET
Yes?
SJ
Is there a problem with detention?
[PAUSE]
PRINCIPAL BARTLET
Is it that obvious?
SJ
It seemed like there was something.
PRINCIPAL BARTLET
There’s always something. The parents want to eliminate all forms of punishment completely, the teachers want constant round-the-clock hard labor, and the Russians are threatening to boycott if we don’t agree on international standards for detention.
SJ
Well, you know what a wise man once said?
PRINCIPAL BARTLET
What’s that?
SJ
PRINCIPAL BARTLET
We need more level heads in this world. We need more men like Ziggy.
CUT TO: INT. CLASSROOM
SHOELESS JOEL
Good morning students.
STUDENTS
Good morning Mr. Shoeless.
SJ
Today we’re going to talk about what something I find very important. Today we’re going to talk about literature.
STUDENT
Literature?
SJ
That’s right. Alvin, what do you think about literature?
ALVIN
Literature?
SJ
Literature.
ALVIN
Literature. Gee, I don’t know.
[PAUSE]
SJ
[A SLOW MILITARY DRUM ESCALATES DURING THE FOLLOWING MONOLOGUE]
Don’t know? Don’t know? Literature is life, people. Literature is what makes women swoon and what lets man find God. Literature is where the human soul flowers, where our minds escape the quotidian limitations of economics and politics and the petty grievances of life to soar in the heavens. It delves into what makes us want to go on, to what makes life worth living, to what makes beauty matter. It asks hard questions and doesn’t just give us the answers. It opens us to the possibility that what we think and what we feel and how we experience are as relevant as the events themselves. It is what elevates us beyond the rough carnality of our own limitations and propels us towards our potential. It is, Alvin, the motor of meaning and the gateway to understanding our world. It is the story of all of our lives, Alvin. And that includes you.
ALVIN
Huh.
SJ
And just so you know. ‘Literature, gee, I don’t know.’ That’s when I decided to flunk you.
CUT TO IRRATIONALLY PEPPY CLOSING CREDITS
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